I think I am totally addicted to TV. I love just about every genre – drama, comedy, reality – you name it, I have at least 1 or 2 shows in each genre that is MUST SEE FOR ME! With as much of an addict as I am, I really have a love/hate relationship with TV in general.
I Love TV! I love the escape of it. People on TV live much more interesting lives than I do so it is great to just live vicariously thru them when my day to day life is just too much to handle.
I also Hate TV! I hate the fact that a majority of the women on TV are 5ft 9in, 110lb and virtually perfect. This makes a fat chick like me feel a little out of place in society as a whole! And why? Doesn’t Hollywood realize that these sort of women are the MINORITY, not the majority! The average woman is a size 12, not the size 5 that Hollywood and the media seem to want us to believe. What is wrong with women in the movies and TV looking like the average woman? We can’t all be Angelina Jolie or Charlize Theron and I guess that is a good thing. Imagine how boring life would be if every women was GORGEOUS. And why does every slightly heavy woman on TV have to be the best friend or THE FUNNY ONE in the group? Are jokes funnier when they come from the mouth of a fat chick? Would you not be able to accept bad news from a chubby girl? Is it so hard to believe that a full figured gal could find love with the guy who lives on the 3rd floor of her apartment building? These things are not hard for me to believe because I AM THAT GIRL!
If I ruled the world…. Or at least Hollywood, I would create a TV network just for us Fat Chicks and I would call it PLUMP TV! The lead in every show, the anchors of every news show, the host of every talk show and the contestants in every reality show would be a full figured!! We would have shows about everything that is “fat” - food, clothes, books, music, decorating, etc. We would encourage people to accept themselves for who they are and not for who and what society wants them to be. We would encourage people to be HEALTHY, not just thin. We would give these heavy people who have felt ignored, abused and taken for granted a voice and let that voice be heard loud and proud! We would give these people the knowledge that they are not alone and that no matter what, there is someone out there who understands them….. someone who cares!
Maybe this is all a dream for this fat chick but a chick can dream, right??

Ok, so I've been thinking......... I really want to read something but right now I have to wait for the books that I ordered earlier to be delivered and I DON'T WANT TO!! (Yes, I may have had a little Fat Chick temper tantrum earlier but I am entitled!) I moved recently so my books are scattered all over the place but I came across a box that had some of my books in it and came across one that I have decided to start reading. I read the introduction and I loved it!! So here we go again.....

The Fat Girl's Guide to Life by Wendy Shanker
http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Girls-Guide-Life/dp/1582345538/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1223008868&sr=8-1
I read some of the reviews on Amazon about the book and EVERYONE seems to just love it and see it as required reading so lets see if I feel the same! I am so excited to start reading that I just ordered 2 new pairs of reading glasses!! A pretty purple pair and a great green pair!! Can't wait for them to get here!!

Now I am off to update my fledgling website with this little jewel of information.

First, I want to say THANK YOU to those of you who have sent me reading ideas. I have gotten quite a few so I have decided to do a little sharing with my fellow Fat Chicks! As I got recommendations, I would look them up on Amazon to see if it was something that I might like since I am such a picky reader. Well, I came up with quite a few that have made a short list to be read in the next few months. I will share them with you from time to time and when I have finished one, I will share my thoughts.

The first book on my list is:
Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass LookBig, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer by Jen Lancaster.
http://www.amazon.com/Such-Pretty-Fat-Narcissists-Discover/dp/0451223896/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I3S621U5MJM2QC&colid=ASYX21KBAKB6
On the Amazon page for this book, there is a video by the author that made me laugh quite a bit. She is really funny and seems to share my point of view on Life as a Fat Chick

Book #2 is:
Size 12 is Not Fat: A Heather Wells Mystery by Meg Cabot
http://www.amazon.com/Size-12-Not-Fat-Heather/dp/0060525118/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I2OR6VKJF1QPPK&colid=ASYX21KBAKB6
This one is more of a traditional Chick-Lit novel with a Full Figured heroine. I love a good mystery!

I placed an order on Amazon today so hopefully in a few days I will be reading one of these 2 books and can give you all my thoughts and ideas on the books.

I have been feeling the need to do some reading lately. I have always been a mystery or suspense reader but lately I have wanted to read something funny so I have decided to look into some chick-lit stuff but as I am looking, all I seem to be finding are books about Tiny Tina's who are having man problems BUT they find love in the end with the friendly neighborhood male model from down the hall. Why is this? Why can't I find a book about someone more like me? The closest that I have found are the Bridget Jones books but I kinda got aggravatged with those because Bridget was all of 20 lbs overweight and the book was written as though she was 200 lbs overweight. I loved the books and enjoyed the movies as much as I could enjoy a movie starring Renee Zelwegger (???) but I want something that I can connect with ..... I want a heroine like me!! So now, I am on a mission to find a book that I can connect with to read. Anyone out there in BlogVille got any ideas for me..... Let me know!

I am a blogger.... in a way, it is my therapy. It is how I vent my frustrations from day to day life living in a society that tells me that I am less of a woman/person because I am overweight and I don't fit into the mold that magazines like Cosmo and Glamour tell us is the ideal for a woman. It is one way that I have chosen to deal with the way that some people decide to treat me because I am the way that I am, the rude comments and assumptions that are sometimes made about me by people who don't even know me when I am shopping at Wal-Mart or the mall. This is where I share my deep, private thoughts, sometimes they are the norm and sometimes they are a bit out there! They may be rude, they may be funny, they may be hostile but they are never acted upon..... anyone who has read my blog knows this!!
I am all for people commenting about my blogs - the good, the bad and the in-between BUT if you are going to comment, I would appreciate you being BRAVE enough to give your name/username and not hiding behind ANONYMOUS, especially if you are going to make negative comments. If you read it and enjoy/empathize/sympathize with what you read, fantastic!! Keep on reading and let me know! If you don't like what you are reading, STOP and move on to something else.

I am convinced that they are all out to get me! Yes, the entire freakin’ world is out to get me and I don’t know why! I mean, I am a nice girl. I try to be helpful to others and reasonably nice. OK, I don’t play well with stupid but at least I try! But with the way things are going, I am beginning to think there is a weekly newsletter (sent out by mail and email), monthly meetings (held by conference call and Virtual- if everyone got together at once, I might get curious so they are getting creative), a board of directors and a home office somewhere is Utah. It would have to be in Utah, I have never had good luck with the Mormons. But, why me? This is the part that I am not sure of but I will figure it out!
So, I bet you are wondering why I think they are out to get me? Let me explain…….. Being a Fat Chick, I am use to people staring at me and sometimes even making rude comments but lately it seems like there are even more people staring and lots of whispering going on. Yesterday in Wal-Mart, there were these 2 women looking at shoes when I went down a shoe aisle. It didn’t look like they knew each other but right after I walked passed them, they seemed to start whispering. This seemed to be a constant theme thru my trip to Wal-Mart and Target yesterday. It was like everywhere I turned, little groups of people would gather to chat and I was the only common denominator in the equation so they had to be talking about me, right??? Were they preparing reports to submit to the home office when they got home? Maybe they were sending text messages to each other or maybe they are sending them to the home office in Utah, that would be much more convenient and efficient!! And if you are going to plan and operate a conspiracy, it is better to be efficient. I would expect them to treat this conspiracy like a business and do it in the most effective manner possible because that is what I would do! I can’t help but wonder how all of these people got involved? Was there a mass email sent out? Maybe someone started a blog about me and it all got started there… How long has this been going on? A few weeks or months? Could it be years? Who could dislike me so much for so long to put all of this energy and effort into it? Maybe it all started with those girls in school and church who were jealous because I was asked to sing in assemblies and church ….. maybe it was those girls in grade school who I wouldn’t let copy off of me on tests….. I KNOW!! It’s that little girl from kindergarten who wanted my nap spot by the window! That little bitch! She has probably been watching me all these years and has turned everyone against me! If I can ever remember her name, I’m gonna get her and get her good!! Petty little monster child!! I have to go and find my kindergarten year book so I can find her!

I am just too old for this crap! I didn’t like “friend drama” when I was a freakin’ teenager so why in God’s name would I like it as an adult? I DON’T LIKE IT ONE DAMN BIT so I think I will give up on the whole “friend” crap, become a hermit, move to the mountains of Tibet, wear nothing but tree bark and leaves and go by the name Sister Starshine!
I bet you are sitting in front of your computer there thinking “Why would our lovable little Fat Chick feel like this now?” Well, I’m gonna tell you right now……. Prepare yourself for a non-weight/food/fat/diet related rant.
I have never been one of these people that feels it necessary to have 3.5 million friends. Quite the opposite really. I normally have 2 or 3 real friends so it is a pretty exclusive club - we have a special handshake and t-shirts and weekly meetings where we discuss world news and politics and our own written language that only we can understand…… OK, I am exaggerating a bit but I don’t feel a need to have oddles and oodles of friends, just a few. Now because this is such an exclusive club, it takes a lot for me to really trust someone enough to give them the keys to my inner sanctum so when someone that I have trusted disappoints or hurts me, it is like a dagger in my heart because I feel like I have not entered into that friendship easily.
We all have problems and we should be able to turn to friends when we need support but should friends assume and expect you to bend over backwoods to accommodate their needs while giving no consideration to your needs? HELL NO! Am I perfect? No, I’m not but I would NEVER assume that someone is going to do something for me BEFORE I ask them and then get mad at them for not doing it when they say they can’t. What makes it worse is that I have had my own issues that I have had to deal with for the past few months and this friends has shown very little concern for me – an occasional text message, attitude when I couldn’t or didn’t want to go to dinner when THEY wanted to but never wanting to do anything with me when I wanted to or could and no attempt at compromise. I was already feeling like there were some issues prior to the most recent issue but this one just pushed me over the edge! How dare she assume that I will put my life on hold to accommodate her needs! Like I am sitting at home, in my room anxiously awaiting her call so that I can giggle with glee because she needs me. Not this fat chick! Lately I feel like it is taking enough for me to keep myself together and she is expecting me to drop everything because she wants me to. Not a chance in hell, not for anyone, best friend or not! When I sit down and really think about this, I can’t help but feel like a true friend wouldn’t EXPECT me to drop everything for them. Friends are suppose to care for each other, ITS SUPPOSE TO BE MUTUAL! When the friendship looses the mutual respect, there is a problem that may not be able to be fixed because if it happens once, it may happen again. I don’t know that I am willing to take that risk. So, with a pain in my heart and a tear in my eye, I am off to get my ticket to Tibet, change the locks to my inner sanctum and think up a new secret handshake.......

As far back as I can remember, I have loved magazines. When I was a teenager, there was nothing better than sitting in my room reading Glamour or Seventeen. As I got a little older, Cosmo got into the mix. I had stacks and stacks of magazines on my bookshelf because I never wanted to get rid of them so I DIDN’T! As time has gone by, I have grown and matured but I am becoming more and more frustrated with magazines. “Why all the frustration, Fat Chick?” you are probably asking yourself. Well, let me tell you…..There are very few, if any magazines for women like ME! Let’s face it, Glamour, Allure, Cosmo, Marie Claire, etc - these are all for the anorexic, partying, teenage, supermodel types, not FAT CHICKS like me!! I look thru these fashion magazines and all I see are articles on how to loose 5 lbs or how to make sure that your stripped hose don’t clash with your plaid mini skirt or, better yet, what products to use to get your hair to stand up at least 8 inches on top of your head! Then, to add insult to injury, some of these magazines have these WONDERFUL “Do and Don’t” columns that ALWAYS show slightly heavy women in the DON’T pictures and severely anorexic women in the DO pictures. I have nothing against thin people but do these publishing companies have something against me, an overweight woman? I looked through an issue of Glamour last night and by the time I got to page 178, I wanted to cry! As I turned the pages, I saw nothing that related to someone like me. The advertisements were for overpriced handbags and perfumes, the pictorials were for clothing that no normal women would be caught dead in and the articles were written for celebutants! As I sat on my bed reading though the magazine and my frustration grew, I glanced over at my dresser and saw my big box of Sharpies (I have a small obsession with Sharpies so I have quite a few – basic colors, tropical colors, metalics, etc) and I got the most ingenious idea!! I crawled over to the dresser, got my Sharpies and prepared myself for a little “Fat Chick” fun! As I browsed through the magazine, I “enhanced” the pictures. I gave some of the models hot pink mustaches, others metallic blue ponytails, others 30 extra bright turquoise pounds and still others I just decorated the pictures in whatever way made me happy! As much fun as I had coloring and destroying that issue of Glamour, I realized that this didn’t change the fact that there are really no magazines for “Full Figured” women like me. Why is that? Do “full figured” or heavy women not deserve a fashion magazine? Do we not spend as much money on clothing and accessories as our skinny counterparts? Sometimes, I think we spend more but that is just my opinion. I did an internet search and the only one that I could really find is Figure magazine – One magazine for a group that accounts for more than half of the population. How is that fair! Do they think that the food magazines make up for it? I don’t think so! Oh well, I guess it is the price I pay for being a FAT CHICK.

There is no doubt in my mind that I am not the only Fat Chick out there who sometimes feels like if I were only thin, my life would be absolutely perfect! I mean, we watch TV and movies and all of the thin women have everything they could ever want or need – great friends, great careers, great men, great homes, great cars, great clothes, etc. And we all know that movies and TV NEVER lie!
Well, last night I had myself a Fat Chick Pity Party, streamers and all! I was feeling a little down and wanted to eat every ounce of pasta in the house – I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER and I was on an emotional overload. I couldn’t sleep, which is not unusual, so as I laid in bed trying to force myself to go to sleep like I normally do by closing my eyes, taking deep breathes and telling myself to go to sleep. Of course, when I don’t fall asleep I curse myself out because I won’t listen to myself! I know, makes perfect sense. As I lay there, somehow I found a way to blame all of the problems in my life on my weight. I mean EVERYTHING – the fact that I had to pee over the moon had nothing to do with drinking a liter of water an hour before going to bed. No! It was directly related to being overweight. So I sat up in bed and thought about how my life would be different/better if I weighed 115 pounds. For some reason, in my sleep deprived state I started thinking that my friends would like me more if I were thin and I would have a better hair if I were thin. These were the 2 that stood out the most but I had a freakin’ laundry list of things that would be better if I were thin. I even started to think that maybe I should go and have the lapband surgery done so that I can get thin fast and have a PERFECT life! Exactly how delusional was I? It had to be the sleep deprivation. I FINALLY fell asleep and when I woke up this morning I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell my problem was last night! Had I read something that totally messed with my head? Had I watched something on TV that brainwashed me? What the heck? I sat in bed this morning wondering what my problem was but I then realized that it is not worth the time and energy that I was spending trying to figure it out. I had snapped out of it and needed to just be happy with that! Will loosing weight make me a happier person? Maybe but my weight is not the cause for all of my problems and loosing weight will not miraculously give me a perfect life. I am not even sure that a perfect life exists but I am sure that a happier life does so now I just have to work towards it.

I need my inspiration back!! I feel like I am in an inspirational rut lately. No matter how hard I try to write, I feel like I just don’t have anything in me. And then when I finally do write something, it feels forced. I hate this feeling!! I guess when I take into consideration all of the crap that has happened in the last 3-6 months, I can understand it but that doesn’t make me like it any better. I feel like every time I turn around, there is something else creeping up on me that will knock me off of my balance and throw me to the floor. (And it is hard for this Fat Chick to get up once she falls on the floor! Probably amusing to everyone else around me but very complicated for me.) I don’t know where to turn from here. Is this what they call “writer’s block”? Well, whatever it is, I DON’T LIKE IT AT ALL!! How do I work thru this and get my MOJO back? Or have I just used up all of the inspiration that I had? That just can’t be the case, there has to be more in me! Maybe I am not drinking enough coffee? Or am I eating too much pizza? Maybe I am not getting enough fiber? I wonder if there is some kind of food or drink that will help to muster up some inspiration? I guess I need to do some searching on the internet to find out. Google, here I come!

You would think that I would stop shopping at Wally World (what I “lovingly” call Wal-Mart) but nope, not me! I guess I must like the amusement and abuse that it provides to me.
While shopping at Wally World yesterday I was RUDELY reminded that it is summertime. Now, don’t get me wrong, summertime is nice most of the time but it can be a little hot sometimes but that is what air conditioning is for, right?? What I don’t like about summertime is that there are some people that feel as though summertime is an excuse to forget to wear clothing when they leave their homes. And I am not just talking about teenagers or kids or model-types. Now, I am not sure why this is but it is an unfortunate part of reality.
I was shopping in Wally World, fully clothed I feel that I should add, and saw all of the normal people that you see during an adventure in Wal-Mart - Moms and kids, teenagers, grandma and grandpa, etc. As I was looking in the sheet sets, I came across someone who apparently felt that it was just too hot or it would be too much trouble to wear what most normal people would call “clothing”. I am all for dressing cool during these hot months but this was just a bit ridiculous in my opinion, not to mention out dated!! As I stood looking at sheet sets, a very friendly woman came around the corner and proceeded to talk to me about how expensive sheet sets are now-a-days. I turned to smile at Ms Friendly and I saw the most INVENTIVE and creative outfit I have seen in quite a long time. She had on what looked like a bright blue strapless tube mini dress, a bright yellow mesh tank top and a pair of white high top Converse tennis shoes with blue socks. Now, I am not talking jersey mesh like you see on a football or basketball jersey but that 80’s dancer mesh. She looked like she walked right out of a really bad 80’s movie or she had just stepped out of a time machine with Bill and Ted and had a not so excellent adventure in a shopping mall. She was not a small woman either. Not that this matters but a “woman of size” should wear more clothing because it is just inappropriate to show so much skin when there is so much skin to show. I guess it amazes me that a large woman would feel that this was an appropriate outfit to wear out in public. I don’t understand that at all. I want to cover as much of me as possible when I go out and spare the general public from the fear that my half naked body may cause them because God knows I don’t want to see it on someone else!
I guess that is just the opinion of this fat chick…. What do YOU wear on these hot summer days??

As I have mentioned before, I am a total Food Network freak! No, it isn’t my porn but I do enjoy watching it! (Smart asses!)

Every Sunday morning, we watch all of the shows on FN while we have breakfast and read the paper. It has become a part of the “weekend tradition”. Well, we got distracted talking and one of our least favorites shows came on before we got a chance to change the channel – Down Home with The Neely’s. We have started to call the show DOWN HOME WITH THE NASTY’S because the Neely’s are perverts! He’s always trying to steal her “brown sugar” and she is always calling him “Daddy”! I am all for having some “romance” in the kitchen but maybe we should avoid foreplay in the kitchen while BBQing ribs and making potato salad on national television! Have a little respect for the general public! And every week it is the same thing – she bosses him around and he runs around the kitchen like a chicken with his head cut off all while playing GRAB ASS!! Is this really necessary? If people want to see this kind of “cooking”, they should put it on PAY PER VIEW and not on normal television. I think my dogs are beginning to have some issues – Zoe runs and hides under the bed wimpering when the show comes on and Jaz growls at the TV for the entire 30 minutes! Maybe they aren’t the only ones with issues because of the show - I feel dirty when I see brown sugar and Mom breaks out in hives when she sees BBQ sauce! This is just wrong! We can’t be the only ones that have noticed. And now they have a 2nd show, Road Tasted with The Neely’s. This is freakin’ great – now The Nasty’s are taking the show on the road. Watch out if they come to your town, hide your families!

I know that Saturday Night Live is meant to be funny and most of the time, it is but I saw an older episode yesterday that had something in it that I thought was just ridiculous! They did a spoof ad for The Food Network and the tag line was THE FOOD NETWORK: PORN FOR FAT PEOPLE.

Since when? I don’t know about you but I don’t find myself getting “hot and bothered” when I watch an episode of 30 Minute Meals. The thought of watching Emeril cook a pot roast does not make me all weak in the knees nor does the sight of Bobby Flay grilling a steak does not make me swoon. Would a “Fat People” orgy be a group of overweight people all cooking and baking together in the nude? Or maybe Rachel Ray and Martha Stewart’s magazines are the new Playboy and Hustler magazines

Why is the assumption made that just because someone is overweight that they are obsessed with food? EVERYONE likes food! No matter what the Super Models say, they like it too! You know they meet at Taco Bell at 2am once a week and have a pig out session. But I digress…… I know some thin people who are pretty obsessed with food. I bet it can be a trigger for anorexia for some. But PORN for Fat People?? That is just ridiculous!

Fat Chick on a Rant!! All Beware!!
Am I the only one who is totally offended by the new Subway commercial? I hope not because if I am I may lose all hope in humanity!! And I am seriously considering boycotting Subway! Well….. gotta find another place that makes a good spicy Italian sub…..SCREW THE SUB, SUBWAY IS EVIL!!
Ok, the commercial starts with this skinny twerp of a guy in a fast food restaurant with a tray hands. The announcer comes on and asks if he knows what comes with his hamburger. Twerpy Jones says no so the announcer proceeds to advise him that his meal comes with fries and a drink but then proceeds to add a slew of additional things like a gym membership, oversized gym shorts, extra strength deodorant, a plane seat extender, an expensive gym membership, paranoia, a therapist and diet books along with a few other things.
Now, maybe I am just a little oversensitive because I AM A FAT CHICK but that is offensive to me. The extra strength deodorant is the one that really gets to me – implying that all heavy people smell bad. I’ll have you know that I smell like a freakin’ cinnamon roll right now….. that’s probably because I just ate one but THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT!! I typically smell like a bed of roses or gardenias or baby powder. Since when do all heavy people have hygiene problems? I know some really thin people who have some real hygiene problems but you don’t see me making blanket statements in tv commercials regarding all thin people smelling badly, do you? I would find far more important things to make blanket statements about in TV commercials, like Pappa John’s Pizza is the best delivery pizza in America or Finding shoes on sale makes me smile!
And Paranoia? So now all heavy people are paranoid? I wonder why they would say that? Do other people say that? Did you hear that? Is someone talking about me? Is everyone talking about me? Sorry….. got a little paranoid there. Now, I know that I am sometimes self-conscious but this is not something that is directly associated with being heavy or overweight, it is associated with being HUMAN!
And then we have A THERAPIST? So now being heavy is cause for being in therapy? I am the first one to admit that many heavy people are in or should be in therapy but it has nothing to do with being heavy. Like talk therapy is going to help you loose weight. If that were the case, I’d be one skinny bitch right now! Last time I checked, talking is not considered a workout and a therapist is not a personal trainer. Personal trainers don’t get paid as much as therapists, or at least mine doesn’t.
I could sit here and go on and on but that would not be a good use of time and energy. And I have so many other things to rant about, I don’t want to waste my energy.
But there is one thing that the Big Wigs over at Subway should think about: Is it really a good idea to ostracize heavy people by making offensive commercials like this? I mean, who do they think are their more loyal customers? Just something that I would be thinking about if I were the Marketing Dept at Subway Headquarters. Maybe an apology is what they really should be thinking about giving to their loyal customers.

Been a while since I have written but this Fat Chicks little world has been in a tailspin for the last few weeks and out of control BUT it is time to take control back.
Sometimes things happen to us out of the blue, completely unexpected, causing us to have to reevaluate ourselves. This is where I have been lateley, a reevaluating fool but I feel like it is time to get back into the swing of things again. Too much at stake for me to stay in my little cardboard box and far to much in this crazy world we live in to comment on so I am breaking out my little "Blog notebook" and starting to write again. And maybe it is time to write that book that I seem to have inside me.

Wish me luck!

Been a while since I have graced you with my presence but things have taken a bit of a turn in this my little realm of reality. I have spent some time under a rock, then moved on to a small cardboard box, then into a shack of twigs and I have now moved back into my bedroom . I have my girls (Zoe and Jaz) to keep me company and I am slowly but surely making my way back into the real world again. It is taking some time but I am getting there. Who knows, maybe soon I will leave the house for more than groceries!

I was watching a nationally syndicated talk show a few mornings ago and became very frustrated with what I was watching. “What did you see Fat Chick? Please share.” I know that this is what all of you are saying to yourselves right now so I will share with you BUT ONLY YOU!!

I was watching and in the “sneak peek” they said that they would be talking so someone who lost a “tremendous” amount of weight. Well, this peaked my attention since I too want to loose a tremendous amount of weight. I sat, glued to the TV, anxiously awaiting the segment to begin and after 3 minutes of commercials about Fast Food restaurants, feminine hygiene products and Direct TV, it began. The host spoke of how this young woman had struggled with her weight all of her life and finally DID IT! As I heard this, I wanted to grab my pom-pom’s, leap into a spread eagle jump and give her a cheer. I was going to see a segment about someone like me and I really needed the encouragement to get my weight loss train a chuggin’ again. They showed a current picture and she was a young girl, maybe 25, wearing shorts and a T-shirt. As they talked, I couldn’t wait to see where she started and how much weight she had lost in total. As her “before” picture came onto my TV screen, all of my anticipation came to a screeching halt and I felt the need to scream at the top of my lungs! The picture on the screen was of the same girl with longer hair and about 40 lbs heavier than she currently was on the show. Since when is 40 llbs a TREMENDOUS amount of weight? I was expecting to see someone who had lost 150-200 lbs, maybe even 300 lbs but no, I see a woman who “waged a battle for 4 whole months” to loose 48 lbs! My right thigh probably weighs that much! Heck, 5 lbs of the weight was probably from getting her hair cut! And as she spoke about how she lost her WHOPPING 48 LB, I began to daydream about how awesome it would be to only have to loose 48 lbs. She cut her soda intake down to 2 cans a day, and drank diet soda instead of regular soda. She ate salads for lunch each day and had small meals for dinner so she didn’t have all that food in her stomach before going to bed. As she gave her tips and the host looked at her in awe, I began to get really frustrated - Don’t get me frustrated, you wouldn’t like me when I’m frustrated!! (Sorry, saw a trailer for the new hulk movie.) I watch these TV Talk shows and many of them do segments about weight loss but rarely do we see someone who has to loose more than 75-100 lbs. Now, that is a great thing but don’t my fellow fat chicks and I deserve to see someone who has really waged the BATTLE OF THE BULGE. Maybe 200-250 lbs lost? Let’s get nuts and make it 300 lbs! Then I start to wonder why we rarely see that and when we do, why is it normally a pre-recorded segment? Are they afraid that the overweight or formerly overweight person is going to eat everything in the Green Room and then go on a rampage thru the studio eating trinkets from people desks and rummaging thru purses and drawers for loose candy and snacks? Maybe they think the overweight or formerly overweight person will scare the studio audience. The children in the audience will scream for their parents to save them from the BIG FAT LADY who is sniffing their hair because they used Cotton Candy shampoo that morning. Could there be a fear that they will break the furniture and attack the host, grabbing them and climbing up into the rafters like King Kong did.
I guess I am also wondering why weight loss programs like Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers use people who have lost 30-40 lbs in their commercials when using someone who has lost 210 lbs would really show the effectiveness of their programs but I guess they just wouldn’t be “pretty” enough. The only time that we see these people are when the talk shows want to talk about the dreaded weight loss surgeries – then they are more than happy to show the 400 lb woman who is having a majority of her stomach removed to loose 250 lbs along with the woman who now weighs 125 lbs but use to weigh 375 and had her stomach stapled or banded up so that her body wouldn’t and couldn’t absorb the nutrients needed so she could loose that 250 lbs. And do we often here about the problems that went along with the surgery? Nope!
I am a self proclaimed Fat Chick on a mission. What is my mission? To open the eyes of our Thincentric society to the fact that Fat People are not going to disappear just because you pick on them and call them names. We are flesh and blood, just like them. We have feelings, just like them. We too want to be happy and healthy, just like them. The difference is that we have to get there on a different road but our roads will cross sometimes and it would be so much easier to be able to just coexist without the boundaries of weight.
Come on people, can’t we all just get along!

Just in case you haven’t realized, I am a bit obsessive. I know, hard to believe but true.
About a year ago I decided that I was going to buy a new bed. I wanted to upgrade from the double that I hade been sleeping on for far too long to an “adult” bed – I wanted to get a queen size bed. I had just gotten new living room furniture a few months before so I decided that I would wait a while before getting the new bed but I started planning for the new bed. I looked at mattresses, bed frames, head and foot boards and anything else that I thought would be needed for a new bed. What I really started to get into was sheet sets. Oh, how I love shopping and looking at new sheet sets for my new queen bed. Imagining what the new sheets will look like on the bed. What blankets would match them. It was like a whole new adventure but some adventures are just too much. Let me explain what I mean…..
It all started with a Bed-in-a-Bag set that I found at Garden Ridge. I had decided a long time ago that I wanted to have a bedding set that had moons and stars on it. There were many that I found but only 1 really grabbed me. I searched for it, from store to store, on the internet, ebay and anywhere else that I thought I might find it but I had no luck so I had given up on it until that fateful day at Garden Ridge. I was shopping with my Mom and there were hundreds and hundreds of Bed-in-a-Bag sets along the back wall of the store that were on sale. I looked and looked but nothing until out of the corner of my eye I saw a set that was dark blue with gold designs on it. I pulled it from the stack and - OH JOY OF JOYS – it was the set that I had dreamed of having. And on top of my joy of simply finding it, IT WAS ON SALE!! $29.99 for the set!!!! I screamed at the top of my lungs, grabbed it, yanked it off of the shelf and hugged it like there was no tomorrow. My Mom came flying around the corner, probably thought I was being attacked by some stock clerks or deranged shoppers, to make sure I was OK. I looked at her with a small tear in the corner of my eye and told her that I found it, the bedspread of my dreams, it was here and it was MINE!! In that moment, if I could have handcuffed it to my arm, I would have just to be sure that I didn’t loose it but, instead, I put it in the basket and skipped away from the bedding department. (Take a minute and get the visual of a Fat Chick pushing a basket and skipping thru Garden Ridge like a 5 year old school girl as she giggled with delight. I bet you can’t decide if it is a scary thought or hysterical.)
Anyway, this one incident started a chain of events that had several of my friends and family thinking I was completely insane.
Over the next few months, whenever I went shopping I would make a B-line to the bedding department and look at sheet sets for a Queen bed. First, it was a light tan sheet set at Wal-Mart that was on sale for $11. You can’t pass that up, so I didn’t! Then it was a set blue paisley set that I just had to have because I love paisley and blue is the perfect color for a bedroom. I also found these amazingly soft microplush blankets on sale at Wal-Mart for $22. I couldn’t decide between the dark blue and the aqua blue so I didn’t and got both. Then it was a set of gray plaid flannel sheets that were on sale at Target for $19. Then there was a set of Sage green jersey sheets on sale at Target – I love Jersey Sheets, so comfy! Then there was the burgundy and blue stripped set that were priced wrong at Wal-Mart but they gave them to me at the wrong price since they made the mistake. That same day I found an amazing Bed-in-a-Bag set that was blue and green plaid, two of my favorite colors together – Had to have it!! Then there was the aqua paisley set that we found at Big Lots that were only $13 for a $70 set of sheets. Then there was the brown microplush blanket at Target that was on sale day after Thanksgiving that I got for Mom for Christmas, it was so cheap that I had to get one for me too but then I had to find a set of sheets that would match it. Then I found this great set of Jersey sheets at Target on sale, pink with butterflies, that I bought but then I remembered that I really don’t like pink so I gave them to my friend for Christmas – Merry Christmas Nursey! Then, while shopping for Christmas presents online, I found a set of leopard print Jersey sheets at Walmart.com that were only $15 – THEY MATCHED THE BROWN BLANKET!! Then there was the buy one get one sale at Kohl’s so I got a set with a Blue and Green design and a set with a Gray and Black design. At this point, I realized that I had all of these sheet sets for a queen size bed AND I WAS STILL SLEEPING IN A DOUBLE! I could open my own bedding store for Queen size beds but I didn’t have one of my own. What the heck was wrong with me? I decided that this was a good time to stop buying bedding, at least until I got my new queen size bed. I put all of the sheets and Bed-in-a-Bag sets in my living room closet (because my linen closet wasn’t big enough to hold them all and to hold the sheets I had for my double at the same time) and just stop. I have avoided bedding stores and departments for at least 4 or 5 months now. Been pretty proud of myself, too.
Until Now…… I finally got my Queen size bed this past weekend. You can only imagine the joy that I felt when I realized that I could FINALLY take all of those bedding sets out of my closet. If changing the bedding several times a day weren’t such a pain in the butt, I would do it!!
Now for my next bedding dilemma……
My step-dad set up the bed in my room and I was sooooo excited to see that nice, big bed there for me. I ran into my room and couldn’t wait to get into my new bed but there was a small problem – I NEEDED A LADDER TO GET INTO THE BED!! I got a great deal on a “luxury” pillow top mattress and box spring set that I couldn’t pass up. Little did I realize that “luxury” meant bed for the Jolly Green Giant! The first time I got into the bed, I pretty much had to run and jump into the bed. (Take a moment to get that visual……… now stop laughing!) After 3 or 4 attempts to get into the bed, I realized that if I swing one of my legs up onto the bed, I could pull myself up and get into bed somewhat comfortably. This was great until my 3am bathroom run. Forgetting that I was sleeping in my new Pillow Top tower, I fell out of bed and hit my head on my bedside table when I couldn’t reach the floor. Then came the task of getting back into bed after my bathroom run. I was pretty much still asleep and could not easily get back into bed so I kinda threw myself onto the bed and crawled on my elbows back up to my pillows and went back to sleep. The next morning was another challenge when I woke up. In my efforts to get out of bed safely, I slid off of the bed right onto the floor. At this point, I couldn’t help but wonder why the heck I wanted to get this new bed in the first place but later in the afternoon, I climbed up my ladder into my Pillow Top Tower and remembered why – this bed is so comfy, I just love it. I’ve gotten much better at getting in and out of bed. I haven’t fallen out of bed or fallen trying to get into bed in about 3 days.
And I think it is time for me to change sheets again. My dilemma now is deciding what sheets I will put on the bed next. Decisions, decisions.

In my journey in life to become a SHRINKING FAT CHICK, I have encountered so many obstacles that have made me either scream “I can’t take it anymore! Where is the pizza!” or “I don’t need the pizza. I’ll have a carrot instead.” I know, a carrot for a pizza is not realistic but I am trying to make the point that sometimes dieting is easy and sometimes dieting is the hardest thing to do in the world.
I sometimes wonder why some people are “graced” with being overweight and some are not. It can’t be all related to food and how much people eat because I know some heavy people that really don’t eat much at all and I know some Skinny Minnie’s who eat like horses! So, what is it? What is the determining factor? Are we put into a lottery at birth? Or maybe God (or whoever you believe in) sits with a big top hat with our names in it and draws names to determine who will be overweight and who will not? Does it have something to do with a past life? Maybe Karma? I just don’t understand at all and I really want to. I want to know WHY ME? Now, I have come to terms with my weight. I am what I am and if you don’t like it, screw you! But just because I have come to terms with it doesn’t mean that I like it, it just means that I have accepted that this is who I am right now. Can it change? Yes, but you can’t live your life looking to what could be, you have to live in the here and now and here and now, I’m FAT! (That’s right, I called myself fat!) What I want to know is why was it decided that I would have to be fat? Why couldn’t I be one of those girls that is 5ft 8in tall, perfect body and hair, and can eat any and everything she wants to without gaining an ounce? Why did it have to be me to have to deal with all of the crap that goes along with being overweight through my childhood, teen years and adulthood? There are times when I feel like there is this whole part of life that I have missed out on because of my weight, some by my choice and some not. How would my life had been different if I had been a size 8 rather than 24+? Who knows but sometimes I can’t help but wonder. One thing I do know is that I wouldn’t have so many purses and I would have a heck of a lot more clothes!
As weird as this may sound, sometimes the idea of really loosing weight scares me. I have been overweight as far back as I can remember, sometimes heavier than other times but always heavy. They say that the biggest fear that a person can have is the fear of the unknown – well, this is my unknown. I don’t know what it is like to be thin. I want to know, trust me, but it may make me a raging lunatic or a tramp or an idiot or who knows what. I’ve seen it happen in friends who have lost a lot of weight. They loose their mind and become a different person. They don’t see it but everyone around them does. I like the person that I am now so I don’t want to loose that but I want being thin to no longer be my unknown!
So, how do I make it happen? Where is the magic pill that I can take to make me not want to eat anymore? What is the magic workout that is easy and fun? Where is the magic elixir that I can drink to make all of the fat melt away? There is always surgery but do I really want to take that route. Heck, surgery is a whole other blog. How do I make it easier than it is now? I don’t know and I don’t think anyone else knows either. I have often heard that people loose the weight when they are ready to loose the weight. I feel like I am ready so why isn’t the weight coming off? What have I been doing wrong? I’ll probably never know but I do know this – I want to loose this weight and I will not given up on loosing it because when I give up, the weight has won and that is a defeat that I just can’t accept so I am putting on my armor and preparing for the battle of a lifetime or maybe I should say the battle for my life.

I don’t know about you but I am always hoping and praying that some magic drug will miraculously come into existence that will help me loose weight or make the idea of eating so disgusting to me that I will stop eating all together. I know, not the smartest way to deal with wanting to loose weight but I am only human!!
Anyhoo, I have a close friend who, last year, was having some issues. She did the smart thing and went to the Doctor for some help and was prescribed Adderal. It did wonders for her in so many ways – one of which was it caused her to loose most of her appetite and loose some weight. I think she has lost about 35-40 lbs – the supportive friend says “Good for you!!” while my inner fat chick says “You suck!”
As she has told me about her newfound weight loss, all I can think about is what symptoms do I have to fake to get that pill? Do I have to twitch uncontrollably? Yell obscenities at strangers? Throw temper-tantrums for no reason? Cry on queue? Whatever it is, I am sure I can do it. I was in the drama club in school and did all kinds of church plays growing up so this should be a breeze. OK, lets see – Adderall is normally prescribed for ADHD or Narcolepsy. So, I just need to fake the symptoms of one of these 2 conditions. Heck, if I want to be sure to get it, maybe I should fake symptoms for both!
When I go in to talk to the Dr, I can get distracted easily. Then, I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Then, once I have faked sleeping for a few minutes, I can wake up with a jolt and yell “Look at the pretty lights!” then get up and start cleaning the Dr’s desk, dancing the cha cha while going off on tangents when I answer his questions. After a few minutes of that I can collapse and fall asleep again. I think the Dr will buy it, don’t you? I wonder how long I will have to keep it up? It seems like it could get exhausting to keep it going for too long. I mean with all of the dancing, cleaning, collapsing and random spurts of craziness. On top of the weight I would loose from taking the pills, I would be getting quite a workout. This plan has benefits all around!

I am beginning to wonder if I am a bad person? Is it wrong of me to want to beat up a friend because she lost a few pounds? Let me explain
I was sitting at work earlier today, minding my own business, when a friend called me. As most people do when the phone rings, I answered it and began talking to my friend. We had the normal “How was work? Any plans for tonight?” conversation when she proceeded to tell me about going out to dinner with another friend, eating like a pig and drinking like a fish. She then proceeds to tell me that she went to her weekly WW meeting today and was scared to get on the scale because of everything that she ate and drank last night. I gave her the supportive friend speech and told her that it isn’t the end of the world, tomorrow is a new day, etc. She laughs and said “Well, I was shocked when I actually lost weight, 2 pounds!” The supportive friend said “Well, good for you! That’s great!” But my inner Fat Chick wanted to smack her, shove a pack of HoHo’s in her mouth and say “Oh, so you are bragging now? You can loose weight without trying and I can’t even get my stupid scale to weigh me! You suck! I hate you! Go away now!” Of course, I didn’t say any of these things but I sure did want to! She continued on about how she was so shocked and really excited about it and as my eyes rolled back in my head, I had a little momentary daydream about loading her up with water and bricks in her pants and making her weigh herself again…… I’d like to see her brag about loosing weight then! I know that I shouldn’t feel like that but I can’t help it! Especially since I am having such a hard time! Heck, lately I get excited when I take my shoes off because it means I have probably lost ½ pound! Do you think if I weighed on my tippy toes I would loose anything? Probably not but I gotta look for every angle I can to boost my “Weight Loss Morale” because Hortense surely isn’t helping. Now, my friend really isn’t that much overweight so the concept of her loosing anything makes me want to scream, run to the fridge and have a private moment with a can of whipped cream, a block of sharp cheddar and the left over pasta form my binge session the other night….. not all together – well, maybe the cheddar and the pasta, the whipped cream can be dessert. Well, anyhoo – I am sure that it was not her intent to brag or put into a Fat Chick Tail Spin but I can’t help how I feel about it. And be proud of me because I haven’t called her and asked her to go out to dinner with me to like Olive Garden or some other place where everything on the menu will make you gain 3 pounds – baby steps, baby steps.

There are times when I think that I must be an absolute lunatic! I’m talking an absolute full blown whack job!! I am beginning to really wonder why I do some of the insane things that I do. I mean, am I possessed by Fatty McGee or something?
I am sure you are thinking “Hey Fat Chick, what are you talking about? You are sounding a little crazy right now.” Well, let me explain where my insanity is coming from……
Ya see, it all started a few nights ago while I was at work. I hadn’t really eaten all day and was starting to get hungry. It was close to closing time for me so I was trying to think of what I wanted to eat for dinner. Salad? How boring! Chicken breast? How plain. Fish? I am no good at cooking fish. Whatever shall a Fat Chick eat for dinner? Well, I got an email from Pizza Hut about their new pastas and thought “YUM! That looks really good. Maybe I will get that for dinner!” Decision made! I started to finish up a few things before I headed out of the office and decided to go for a quick romp through SparkLand. As I traipsed thru a few message boards, I realized that getting this stupid pasta was not the right thing to do for dinner! How the hell am I suppose to loose weight when I am eating all of the things that I know I shouldn’t eat? And then, I hear it…. The voice in the back of my brain that tells me all of the reasons why it is OK to get the pasta. I think I will call that voice Fatty McGee now. I hear Fatty say “Now Fat Chick, you have been a good girl this week and you deserve a treat!” or “What is it gonna hurt to have this pasta tonight? It will be a one time thing” And here is where the inner battle begins. I start thinking to myself “Have I been a good girl this week? It could be the last time for a while. It’s not good to deprive yourself when trying to loose weight so maybe it’s not that bad of an idea.” Well, there ya’ go! Decision made again – Pasta it is! The battle isn’t over yet, not by a long shot but for now, Fatty is quiet. I get back to work so that I can go home and order my dinner. I run to the “Little Girl’s” room and as I step in front of that HUGE mirror, I get a glance of myself and depression sets in because I don’t like what I see. I look like Jaba the Hut!! I let out a quick scream and run into a stall so that I can close the door and try to erase the vision from my mind bny thinking of happy things – bunnies, puppies, rainbows, pizza, cheesecake - but just as I cleanse my thoughts, I have to leave the stall which means I have to see Jaba again on my way out of the bathroom. As I walk back to my desk, I start thinking about wanting to get out of the office as quickly as possible because Jaba has scared me and if I can get away quickly maybe Jaba will leave me alone. As I sit down, Fatty comes back and proceeds to tell me how that pasta will make me feel better since I am feeling all scared and emotional right now. Or maybe good old pizza will do the trick. Fatty is like a freakin’ pusher – she sits on my shoulder like one of those little demons that you see in cartoons or the movies that tell you all of the wrong things to do. And you will never believe what Miss Fatty McGee is wearing - a hot pink muumuu with turquoise and yellow flowers! Damn catalogs! And apparently, I am a junky because I fall right into her trap. I grab my stuff and run out of the office like a bat out of hell….. OK, maybe “run” isn’t the right way to say it, I strolled briskly out of the office, got in my car and sped out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell – there was a bat in there somewhere - because Jaba may be big but I am sure can move fast when properly motivated! As I drive home, Fatty and I have a chat about the pro’s and con’s of getting pasta – Pro, it tastes yummy! Con, it tastes so yummy that I will eat too much of it. Well, that about sums it up. Even though I know that Fatty is evil and horribly dressed, I call Pizza Hut and order the stupid pasta. Why? Because I am INSANE! Because I am a glutton for punishment! Because I don’t seem to know what it good for me. After I eat far too much and feel so stuffed that I feel like I will explode, I ask myself why I did this. Why did I spend that money? Why did I eat so much? Why do I do these things even though I know that they are the wrong thing to do? I can’t explain it but I wish that I could. I wish I could flip the switch that makes me do these things. I may enjoy it in the moment but after that moment is gone, I hate myself. I hate myself because I know better so I spend some time beating myself up for being an idiot. And with every step I take for the rest of that night I am reminded why I shouldn’t do these things and I say that I will never do it again….. until I do and then it starts all over again. It’s a vicious cycle and there has to be an end to it but where? When? I may never know but, for some reason, I never give up the dream of loosing weight.

I was talking to someone at work recently about being “heavy” and we somehow got onto the various different terms that are used to describe someone that is overweight – Fat, heavy, Overweight, big, obese……. MORBIDLY OBESE….. I have heard this term over and over again but for some reason it really bothered me. Obese sounds bad enough but to add MORBIDLY to it is like saying “not only are you fat but YOU GONNA DIE!” Now, I completely understand that being overweight has its health risks, (They don’t call me THE FAT CHICK for nothing, ya’ know.) but is it really necessary to call us DEADLY FAT? That is a literal translation! We live in an intelligent society so I am sure that we could come up with better terms than Morbidly Obese – wait a minute, nevermind. This is the same society that has young girls and women believing that the only way to be beautiful is to be 5ft 10in , 105 lbs, blonde hair and blue eyed. Now that is a crock of crap if I ever heard one! I think we (and by we I mean us MORBIDLY OBESE) should come up with some alternative terms to use to refer to ourselves. Who better to come up with these terms? Some 5’10”, blonde haired, blue eyed, 115 lb model type – I THINK NOT!!

I am just fine with Fat but I know that some are not and that is OK. So, what shall we call ourselves? How about FLUFFY? We aren’t fat, we’re fluffy! That could be fun!
What about Plump? I’ve used that in the past and I like it. Maybe overstuffed? Like an overstuffed teddy bear. I am sure that there are many, many more terms that we can use to describe us

There are so many other terms that sound so much better…. Like Voluptuous (look at the definition to that one - http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=voluptuous ) or Zaftig (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/zaftig ). These are great examples of some wonderful ways to refer to an “overweight” woman!

First, Justin brings Sexy back. And boy are we lucky he did! Now he has to save the world in 4 minutes? At least he has help this time – Madonna and Timbaland . And how will Madonna and Timbaland help? They are both pretty powerful in the music world but in saving the entire world? Do they really have what it takes? I wonder if they will wear superhero costumes? If so, Justin should wear blue and Madonna should wear Jade green ….. but what about Timbaland?? Maybe a black mask and cape with a pair of , of course, Timberlands. And how is dancing going to save the world? What the heck happened? Was the world attacked by a band of hip-hop crazed dancing aliens? Did they come to earth in a bunch of disco balls? Did they start hypnotizing us with strobe lights and dance beats and make us do unspeakable things? Am I under there control now? I don’t think so, I feel fine. Anyway, How does Justin get himself into these situations? I mean, he is very talented but a Superhero, I don’t know about all that. I have to wonder, does Timbaland think he is helping by repeating that they are out of time and only have 4 minutes over and over and over and over again. And when does the 4 minutes begin?
If anyone can save us, Justin Timberlake is the man for the job!!