This journey of mine.....

In my journey in life to become a SHRINKING FAT CHICK, I have encountered so many obstacles that have made me either scream “I can’t take it anymore! Where is the pizza!” or “I don’t need the pizza. I’ll have a carrot instead.” I know, a carrot for a pizza is not realistic but I am trying to make the point that sometimes dieting is easy and sometimes dieting is the hardest thing to do in the world.
I sometimes wonder why some people are “graced” with being overweight and some are not. It can’t be all related to food and how much people eat because I know some heavy people that really don’t eat much at all and I know some Skinny Minnie’s who eat like horses! So, what is it? What is the determining factor? Are we put into a lottery at birth? Or maybe God (or whoever you believe in) sits with a big top hat with our names in it and draws names to determine who will be overweight and who will not? Does it have something to do with a past life? Maybe Karma? I just don’t understand at all and I really want to. I want to know WHY ME? Now, I have come to terms with my weight. I am what I am and if you don’t like it, screw you! But just because I have come to terms with it doesn’t mean that I like it, it just means that I have accepted that this is who I am right now. Can it change? Yes, but you can’t live your life looking to what could be, you have to live in the here and now and here and now, I’m FAT! (That’s right, I called myself fat!) What I want to know is why was it decided that I would have to be fat? Why couldn’t I be one of those girls that is 5ft 8in tall, perfect body and hair, and can eat any and everything she wants to without gaining an ounce? Why did it have to be me to have to deal with all of the crap that goes along with being overweight through my childhood, teen years and adulthood? There are times when I feel like there is this whole part of life that I have missed out on because of my weight, some by my choice and some not. How would my life had been different if I had been a size 8 rather than 24+? Who knows but sometimes I can’t help but wonder. One thing I do know is that I wouldn’t have so many purses and I would have a heck of a lot more clothes!
As weird as this may sound, sometimes the idea of really loosing weight scares me. I have been overweight as far back as I can remember, sometimes heavier than other times but always heavy. They say that the biggest fear that a person can have is the fear of the unknown – well, this is my unknown. I don’t know what it is like to be thin. I want to know, trust me, but it may make me a raging lunatic or a tramp or an idiot or who knows what. I’ve seen it happen in friends who have lost a lot of weight. They loose their mind and become a different person. They don’t see it but everyone around them does. I like the person that I am now so I don’t want to loose that but I want being thin to no longer be my unknown!
So, how do I make it happen? Where is the magic pill that I can take to make me not want to eat anymore? What is the magic workout that is easy and fun? Where is the magic elixir that I can drink to make all of the fat melt away? There is always surgery but do I really want to take that route. Heck, surgery is a whole other blog. How do I make it easier than it is now? I don’t know and I don’t think anyone else knows either. I have often heard that people loose the weight when they are ready to loose the weight. I feel like I am ready so why isn’t the weight coming off? What have I been doing wrong? I’ll probably never know but I do know this – I want to loose this weight and I will not given up on loosing it because when I give up, the weight has won and that is a defeat that I just can’t accept so I am putting on my armor and preparing for the battle of a lifetime or maybe I should say the battle for my life.


Thiz Bad Princezz... said...

You know, I have the same fear. I actually wrote a blog whatever about in on SP. I'm the same way as you. I've been fat since about 3rd grade.

And with the Skinny Minnys that eat like a horse, they're probably not healthy. Yes, they have the "perfect" look for society, but you just can't see how unhealthy they are.

Just keep up the good fight. I believe with all of my being that you can do this!