There is no doubt in my mind that I am not the only Fat Chick out there who sometimes feels like if I were only thin, my life would be absolutely perfect! I mean, we watch TV and movies and all of the thin women have everything they could ever want or need – great friends, great careers, great men, great homes, great cars, great clothes, etc. And we all know that movies and TV NEVER lie!
Well, last night I had myself a Fat Chick Pity Party, streamers and all! I was feeling a little down and wanted to eat every ounce of pasta in the house – I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER and I was on an emotional overload. I couldn’t sleep, which is not unusual, so as I laid in bed trying to force myself to go to sleep like I normally do by closing my eyes, taking deep breathes and telling myself to go to sleep. Of course, when I don’t fall asleep I curse myself out because I won’t listen to myself! I know, makes perfect sense. As I lay there, somehow I found a way to blame all of the problems in my life on my weight. I mean EVERYTHING – the fact that I had to pee over the moon had nothing to do with drinking a liter of water an hour before going to bed. No! It was directly related to being overweight. So I sat up in bed and thought about how my life would be different/better if I weighed 115 pounds. For some reason, in my sleep deprived state I started thinking that my friends would like me more if I were thin and I would have a better hair if I were thin. These were the 2 that stood out the most but I had a freakin’ laundry list of things that would be better if I were thin. I even started to think that maybe I should go and have the lapband surgery done so that I can get thin fast and have a PERFECT life! Exactly how delusional was I? It had to be the sleep deprivation. I FINALLY fell asleep and when I woke up this morning I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell my problem was last night! Had I read something that totally messed with my head? Had I watched something on TV that brainwashed me? What the heck? I sat in bed this morning wondering what my problem was but I then realized that it is not worth the time and energy that I was spending trying to figure it out. I had snapped out of it and needed to just be happy with that! Will loosing weight make me a happier person? Maybe but my weight is not the cause for all of my problems and loosing weight will not miraculously give me a perfect life. I am not even sure that a perfect life exists but I am sure that a happier life does so now I just have to work towards it.