that this whole "not able to walk" thing sucks the big one?? Well, IT DOES!!!! I am tired of having to rely on others for the little things, like a drink or snack! It's done wonders for my diet but it still sucks.

It has been quite a while since my last post but I have a really good excuse…
Back in April I got pretty sick and went to the emergency room. I was much sicker than I thought and was admitted into the hospital because I was septic and was near kidney failure. This is when the drugs began….. I was in ICU for about a month and then in CCU for another month before being sent to a skilled nursing facility for 5 months. Why skilled nursing? For some reason when I was in ICU I became unable to walk. My left leg was bent and could not be straightened as well as my left arm being very weak and my left pinky being bent and unable to be straightened. Amazing what happens when you when you go into the hospital, huh? I left the hospital and went into a rehab facility and spent a whopping 5 months there but still can’t walk. I am back home now and having a physical therapist and nurse visit 2-3 times a week. Believe it or not, I have done better in the 3.5 weeks that I have been home than I did in the 5 months in rehab.
In the 7 + months that I was in rehab and the hospital, I lost A LOT of weight. This was not the way that I wanted to lose weight but it was a start. I still have a quite a bit of weight to lose and I am still working on it but I have not given up yet.
I have so much that has happened over the past 7 months that I want to write about but I can’t do it all now so there will be more where this came from in the near future……. Check back in often.
Much Love,
TFC

I am A HUGE movie fan (pardon the pun) and I recently went to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Wasn’t my choice but I wasn’t paying so I let the payer decide. It wasn’t the best movie, all of the funny stuff was in the previews but that is not the purpose of my writing today.

As I watched the movie, I noticed something that kinda aggravated me more than the movie itself was aggravating me. I know you are dying to know so I won‘t not make you wait any longer. In almost every movie, there is a “Love Interest” but there is a real double standard between men and women when it comes to this arena . In just about every movie, the female love interest is tall, thin and pretty . There is no real “formula” for the male love interest. In movies, the man can be old, young, fat, skinny, smart, dumb, etc but the woman is always basically the same – pretty and skinny. Why is that? Why is it OK for a “chubby” guy to fall in love with a “pretty, skinny” girl but you NEVER see a chubby girl with a Hottie guy? And when you do see it, it started out as a joke or prank! Like the “Full-Figured” women don’t have it hard enough, we get the pure pleasure of being the brunt of jokes for the masses. And we wonder why we live in a society that tells us it’s OK to pick on the overweight? Because we are told that it’s OK by the movies that we see. I am not saying that there has never been a movie like this but they are few and far between. They are the exception to the rule and we don’t have enough exceptions!!

When will we be accepted AS IS and not expected to change to be what our society expects us to be?

I finally broke down and joined Twitter. So far,so good I think. I seem to be getting the hang of it..... If anyone out there in the blogosphere is on Twitter and wants to be my Twitter Pal, come on and follow me!! It will be like a party! I bet you can't guess what my name is.........

What the heck is going on at Old Navy? Have you seen these ridiculous new commercials?
I have always been a fan of Old Navy. They have great purses and winter wear and hoodies and sweaters but these commercials are a bit ridiculous. What the heck are they trying to say to the American Public? You have to be shaped like a mannequin to wear our clothes? Their commercials use to be fun and a little kooky but these are almost insulting to a majority of the American public who are considered OVERWEIGHT or LARGE. A bunch of mannequins talking about their butt’s…… a male mannequin asking a female mannequin to marry him? Since when do we need a storyline for the mannequins? It’s bad enough that the mannequins in the stores are NOTHING LIKE real people but now they have to have a storyline so we can get to know them better. I don’t feel a need to get to know these unrealistic plastic dolls! Why can’t we have mannequins that look like REAL people? You Know, big hips, flat butt, thick thighs, flat chest, etc. It would make me more likely to shop in stores rather than avoid stores like the plague like I do now. Oh well, I guess I will be limiting my Old Navy shopping for a while.

This past weekend, we had a BBQ. The weather was absolutely gorgeous so it was perfect!
The whole BBQ was my Mom’s idea and she asked me to invite some friends so I did!
I invited a friend that I have not seen in quite some time. I was excited to see her but I was also petrified! Why petrified? I have not seen her in quite a few years and, unfortunately, I have gained a bit of weight and I was scared of how she would react to my new “appearance.” I was afraid that she would be disappointed in me for letting myself go. Sounds stupid, huh? No one knows that more than me but I just couldn’t help it. Since I have started to get in touch with old friends on Facebook, I have been having some issues like this. I have put off seeing some friends because I am scared. Strangers I could care less about but friends I’m petrified! What the heck is that all about? Not sure but it is what it is. But I digress……. The BBQ was good…. Great deviled eggs, good burgers, potato salad and I got to see my friend and meet her 2 daughters and her husband. Her daughters are just beautiful and her husband is great. We talked and caught up a little. And it was nice to have my “sister from another mother “ back.

I have this little ritual that I go thru each year at my birthday. I don’t do anything crazy like climb the Himalaya’s or cruise the 7 seas, I do a little self evaluation. I take some time and think about where I was at my last birthday, where I am at this birthday and where I want to be at my next birthday. Not a bad thing to do, right?
Well, each year I say the same thing to myself: This year I am going to lose weight! And then the next year, I say the same thing about either the same amount of weight or sometimes more! Why? Why is losing weight such a struggle? OK, so I know that my love of pizza, pasta and all things cheesy has a lot to do with it …..and I am sure that my inability to eat ANYTHING in moderation plays a role too. What is a girl suppose to do? How do I make it happen? Do I need a magic pill? Maybe a special serum? Maybe I need to make a day trip to Hogwarts to get a wizard to put a spell on me. I have considered having surgery to lose weight but there are so many people who go and have the surgery who really have no business having it and I guess in a way I am stubborn about it. I don’t want to take the easy way out but I also don’t want to be a “Super Duper Fat Chick” for the rest of my life. I will ALWAYS be a Fat Chick at heart but I wouldn’t mind being Not-So-Fat….. I’ll never be skinny, never in a million years, but I wouldn’t mind being able to enjoy some of the little things in life that my extra weight makes hard for me to enjoy. So what is a Fat Chick to do? I’m not really sure but I need to figure something out before my next ritual begins.

The Fat Chick is getting older and it’s time to celebrate!! Just in case you have not figured it out, TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!! I have made it thru another year and I am still standing! I have made some good decisions, some bad decisions and some terrible decisions but they are all mine and is spite of each and every one, I survived. The last year has held a great deal of laughter, smiles, frustration and tears for me and this is the time of year when I evaluate my life. Not the kind of evaluation where I look at everything that I did and beat myself up over it but the time when I look at my life and see where I was a year ago and how far I have come to be where I am now and THANK GOD FOR MY 37 YEARS!!
As women, we are so brainwashed to believe that once we hit 30 or 35 we are over the hill and need to lie about our age. Why? In my opinion, when we do this we are disrespectful to everything that we have gone through in our lives. When we do this we are belittling every trial, every tear, every laugh, every dream, every hope, every smile and every EVERYTHING that we have had to overcome to be the women we are now. Be proud of your age and don’t let anyone tell you that your age is something to be hidden. EMBRACE IT!!

I was shopping the other day and had an unusual thing happen to me.
I was in Target looking at cosmetics because even us Fat Chicks want to look good!! I was alone, looking at mascara, when this older woman came down the aisle. I did what I always do, I looked up, smiled and went back to my shopping. Matilda (that is what I have decided to call her) was looking for a specific brand and color and asked if I saw it in the aisle. I try to be a nice person so I told her that I would help her. She looked smiled, thanked me and looked up at me and said something that I never thought I would ever hear someone say, especially someone who doesn’t know me……
Prepare yourself…. Sit down, take a deep breath and continue reading…..
She said “Such a pretty girl, imagine how much prettier you’d be if you lost some of that weight.”
I stood there in a state of total shock as I stared into Matilda’s little face. My gut instinct was to say something like “imagine how much nicer you’d be if it wasn’t for that mouth of yours” or “imagine how much prettier you’d be without all those wrinkles” but I didn’t do it…….. even though I really wanted to!
As I stood there, frozen from shock, all I could think about was what made this woman think it was OK to say something like that to me. Did she think that because I am FAT that I didn’t have feelings? That maybe all of my fat absorbed my feelings and emotions? I got it! Maybe there is a hormone or something released in my fat that makes me incapable of having any reaction to rude, crude comments. Or that maybe I would expect people to make comments like this to and/or about me? Like this is a normal occurrence for me. Like everyday when I walk thru the mall or grocery store I’ve got every Joe Schmoe telling me that I’m good but I’d be better if……. I didn’t wear red or if my hair wasn’t curly or if my eyes weren’t green! Am I crazy for wanting to ring her little neck? I don’t think so, not at all! Now, I know that as people grow older they sometimes feel that they have earned the right to say whatever they want to whoever they want but I don’t agree! There is never a reason to be a snotty old lady making rude comments to a total stranger. As I came out of my state of shock and drifted back into reality, all I could really do was stare at Matilda with my mouth hanging open. I asked here again what brand she was looking for and found it for her. As I handed it to her I smiled, resisted the urge to call her an old fart and walked away. As I turned out of the aisle and walked away I couldn’t help but smile at the thought that I had given Matilda Royal Blue Mascara rather than the Black that she asked for. There is always a silver lining…..

As I have mentioned recently, I am a bit of a TV junkie. I enjoy watching some shows but sometimes the TV is just on for the noise and to keep me company.
It seems like lately there have been a lot of things in the news and on talk shows about “Overweight America” and “Obese Teens”. Then we have popular magazines telling us that you have to be 4 pounds 5 ounces to be considered “normal” or pretty. We have the news telling us that we are a country in turmoil because we have teens who are overweight. And then we have Oprah having temper tantrums because she has gained a few pounds. Oprah looks better like she is now, with some meat. For a while there she was looking sickly. (I could go off on a tangent here but I will save that for later.) What is wrong with having a little meat on your bones? Nothing!!
The more I think about it, the more I think I can see why we have so many teens and young adults with weight problems. It’s the stupid magazines and TV!! Every time they turn on the TV to watch GossipGirl or 90210 or flip the page in Glamour magazine, they are told that they are not normal because they are not 5ft 10in and weigh 52.6 lbs soaking wet! So what do they do? They go into the kitchen, get a snack and eat away the frustration. God knows that is what I feel like doing when I watch certain shows or look at certain magazines……. AND I DO IT!! Guess it is my way of saying “SCREW YOU MEDIA! I’ll show you!” as I shovel a large pizza in my mouth with a brownie chaser. Yep, that’ll show’em!
Because you know they are sitting in their high rise offices in New York and LA waiting to see what I’M going to do because it is their goal in life and business to make me a super thin model type.
So, we live in a nation with a weight problem but we are driving people to weight problems with what we are showing them in the media. Dear Lord, we should be called The United States of American Emotional Eaters! Maybe we can get a fat people bailout from the government. They can pay us to loose weight! Or maybe pay us to stay fat! That will keep the media in business!
Maybe I have ranted enough for now. Give me a few hours and I am sure I will have something else that will make me want to explode with adjectives and verbs and nouns!

OK…… I am coming to the conclusion that I am a TV junkie. And not just a normal, run of the mill TV junkie but a SUPER DUPER DORKY TV JUNKIE! Why is this you may ask? Well, it is because I seem to be a fan of reality shows. And not the cool reality shows but the corny, nerdy, weirdo ones that are almost embarrassing to admit that you watch! And it really makes me crazy because I watch these shows and get sooooooo aggravated with the people on them that it takes quite a bit to keep me from throwing things at my TV! But if I did that, what would I watch all of these terrible reality shows on??
My favorite reality show right now is ROCK OF LOVE BUS on VH1. Not only is it a matchmaking show but he is on tour at the same time and bringing the contestants with him in their own tour buses. OH MY GOD what is wrong with these women? Really? They are completely out of their minds! The way they dress….. the way they act. Some of them I like to “lovingly” call White Trash Barbie. Wonder what I mean by that? Take a look at an episode and you will understand COMPLETELY! Not a week goes by that I don’t wonder why I watch the show every week but by the end, I have remembered..... It’s because it is so darn funny and ridiculous all at the same time!
Another one that I am amazed that I watch is The Bachelor. I got suckered into The Bachelorette and the current Bachelor was on that show and made it to the final 2 but Deanna chose the other guy and now broke up with him. (I am so not a fan of hers right now!!) But I watch these women THROWING themselves at this guy and can’t help but wonder what the heck is wrong with them? He is a good looking guy, seems to be a very nice guy but these women are acting like a bunch of psycho-stalkers! I am amazed that The Bachelor has not gone running in fear from these women. And he has a child! I wonder if his son is freaked out by them? I don’t understand how he couldn’t be. They are like vultures! And they are acting like idiots on NATIONAL TV!
Now, something that I have noticed, especially on The Bachelor, is that none of these women have an ounce of meat on their bones! They are thinner than a sheet of paper. On Rock of Love Bus, there are a few women that have a little meat on them but not many. What is the fascination with these skinny, boney women? Do these men want a woman they can crack in half if she gets out of control? When are we going to see a matchmaking reality show with Full Figured women as contestants? I know that there are a few men out there that like their women with some meat……. At least 3 or 4…… so where are they? I guess Fat Chicks don’t make good reality TV. I guess maybe I should start thinking of a formula to make it work for us Fat Chicks………

I started watching this show on ABC called True Beauty (Mon 10pm). If you don’t watch it, I will give a brief explanation of the show: a bunch of “beautiful people” are competing to be THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN AMERICA but they are not only being judged on looks but on actions too, the kicker is that they don’t know it. Each week, they are put in situations where they need to prove that they are kind or generous to others as well as physically beautiful. 1 person is eliminated each week.
I have watched 2 episodes and THE PRETTY PEOPLE ARE NUTS!! And some of them are downright mean to each other as well as everyone around them. As I watch this show and how terrible these people are, I have to wonder WHY?? What do they have to be so damn mean about? As I sat there thinking about how if I had their “problems” I would never be as mean and vicious as these people are, I think I figured it out…….THEY ARE HUNGRY!! They are so worried about keeping themselves beautiful that they never eat anything. A big meal for these people is a Diet Coke and a pretzel with a TicTac for dessert. A lack of food can make you crazy sometimes I bet. I know when I go without food for a while, I get a little loopy but these people are insane! I bet if we went and fed these people some burgers, fries, pizza and onion rings, they would be a heck of a lot nicer. I know when I have eaten a meal of good food that I really like, I am really pleasant to be around so maybe we should try it on these pretty people. If I knew where they were, I would call Domino’s in their area and place an order for like 15 pizzas and subs with some Mountain Dew and Pepsi’s to drink. Too bad McDonald’s or Burger King don’t deliver because I would have some Big Mac’s and Whopper’s with milk shakes delivered too. We’ll get them drunk on calories and fat grams!! Well, it’s just a thought.

As I mentioned in my last post, I made a New Year’s Resolution to really lose weight this year. I know that it is something that I really need to do so I have been spending some time trying to find new and creative ways to lose weight. There are all kinds of pills and creams and gels and potions and mixtures all over the internet that are suppose to make you lose 20 lbs overnight or 50 lbs in 7 days by eating sand and daisy petals but that is just insane! The only way to lose that kind of weight is to amputate a limb or 2 and don’t think I haven’t thought about it because I have! But after a few minutes I realize that I would have to live an arm or leg and that would bother me.
I have tried so many diets and they never work for me. I have read articles about what makes a diet successful and no one seems to really have a solution to the Diet Dilemma. I have been thinking about what would make a diet work for me and it seems that I need to find foods that I really enjoy eating but that are not bad for me. So, let’s see…….. that would eliminate the Pizza Diet, the Burger Diet, the Taco Bell Diet, the Lasagna diet, the Pasta, Pasta, Pasta Diet so what is a Fat Chick to do?? I guess I need to CREATE MY OWN DIET! When I have tried this in the past, friends and family have told me NO but I don’t see them with a degree in dietology so I have been working on creating my own diet and we’ll see how I do.
Ok, my first attempt at solving the Diet Dilemma is The Diet Coke Diet. All Diet Coke, All The Time!! There are so many varieties of Diet Coke now – There is Regular Diet Coke, Diet Coke with Lime, Diet Coke with Cherry, Diet Coke Plus, and Caffeine Free Diet Coke! Now if that isn’t enough variety for you than you can try The Diet Pepsi Diet – Diet Pepsi, Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi, Diet Pepsi with Vanilla, Diet Pepsi with Lime, Pepsi Max, Diet Pepsi with Wild Cherry, Black Cherry French Vanilla Diet Pepsi Jazz, Caramel Cream Diet Pepsi Jazz. When I came up with these diets, friends told me I was crazy and would have to put some “real food” in there somewhere so I decided to change it a little to the Diet Cola and Broccoli Diet – alternate between Diet Soda and broccoli all day long! Then someone came along and said I needed to add some protein in there somewhere so I decided that I would go with the Diet Cola, Broccoli and broiled chicken diet – OK, you drink diet cola all day and then for dinner you alternate between chicken and broccoli but on the 3rd day, you have chicken AND broccoli together!! How is that for variety!? Now if you really want to be CRAZY you can go with the DIET SODA diet. How is this different from my other 2 you ask? Well, the others only had Diet Cola’s but this one incorporates all diet soda’s – Diet 7-Up, Diet Sprite, Sierra Mist Zero, Diet Root Beer, Diet Orange Soda, etc. And you can add the Broccoli and/or Chicken to it also! As I worked on these, I realized that ther was something very important to me missing from my diet attempts – COFFEE!! I love coffee and don’t think that I could give it up so I had to add that into the mix so I came up with the Coffee and Diet Soda Diet – Coffee for breakfast, Soda for lunch and BOTH FOR DINNER! I can mix and match all of these!! Add a salad in here and there! Sounds like a plan!! Maybe I will try it and see how I do!
I will keep you updated on my status………

Can you believe it is 2009 already? I am so happy that the holidays are FINALLY over! I am normally a huge fan of the holidays but this year, not so much! 2008 has been a rough year and I have been eager for it to end as quickly as possible. THANK GOD it is over and a new year has begun!

I took some time off over the holidays. I was a lazy bum! No reading, no writing, no NOTHING!
I think I needed to recharge my perverbial battery. Not sure if I did it or not but at least I tried!

So……. A new year and what does almost every woman do at New years? We make a New Years Resolution to LOSE WEIGHT! Why do we do it? Now, there are those among us who have a real reason to make that resolution but why do these 95 lb chickys feel the need? It certainly isn’t because they are FAT! If that is fat then I must be a PLANET! Maybe I will change my name to The Fat Planet!!

We’ll see if I have better luck this year than I have in the past. Wish me luck and Happy 2009!!

( this was originally written the week before Christmas but with the Holidays, I am a bit behind in my postings so I am trying to catch up now.)

I know, fat people are suppose to be all chipper and happy and jolly but this Christmas season, I am just not feeling it!

The economy is in the crapper. Jobs are nowhere to be found. Money is tighter than a size 2 skirt. Worst of all, people are CRAZY!! I don’t just mean NORMAL crazy, I’m talking SUPER DUPER WACKY DOODLE CRAZY! The kind of crazy that will grab a pair of socks out of your hands at Wal-Mart because they need THOSE SPECIFIC SOCKS for their grandson.
Like the plague, I avoid shopping the day after Thanksgiving because I don’t want to have to deal with the wacky-doodles that are shopping for the $9.99 DVD player and the $.25 cd’s. People will knock you down and roll over you with their shopping cart just for looking at them crosseyed while in the accessories aisle. And being a “woman of size” makes it even more of a struggle because people won’t think twice about yelling at you for “being in the way” while they are trying to get something off of a shelf or a rack. Needless to say, being Christmas and all, I was forced to do some shopping for Christmas presents and it was not the joyous event that you might think. I have a purse that my neice is quite fond of and I happened to get it at Super Kmart a few months ago so I decided to go back to try to get one for her. It started off rather innocently: I get my shopping cart and start roaming through the store. I see some nice gift packs, greeting cards, etc. I decide that I want to look at the shoes ( I have a bit of a shoe obsession) so I head to the shoe department. As I turn down an aisle of casual shoes, I notice 2 older women at the other end of the aisle and smile at them as I always do at strangers whose attention I get. They smiled and nodded back at me and went back to their shopping. I find a pair pof shoes or 2 that I want to try on so I move a little further down the aisle to the little seat. As I sit down to slip off my shoes, I hear these 2 “lovely old women” chatting. It isn’t my intention to eavesdrop but I kinda couldn’t help it……. They were speaking loudly and they were talking about ME! Bertha and Buela (the names I have decided to give them) were standing within 5 feet of me and were talking about me loud enough to be heard by not only me but everyone within a 5 aisle radius! Bertha states that it is just a shame how “young women” today are letting their appearances go. OK, first I am flattered that they think I am YOUNG but then I realize that they are both older than dirt so my grandmother would be young to them. Buela kicks in a “Well, with the internet and cell phones and stuff, they just don’t care like we did when we were younger. Appearance just doesn’t seem to mean as much as now as it did in our youth.” As my jaw fell to the floor and I lost all feeling in my entire body, I couldn’t help but wonder what the heck these two old geezers were talking about! Not sure what reality they are living in but in my reality, appearance is far more important than it should be. As I sat there barefoot and numb, I prayed that my evil fat chick twin would stay in her closet and not take control of my body and attack these 2 little old women. As Esmerelda (my evil fat chick twin) began to plead her case for attacking Bertha and Buela, I turned toward these 2 women and watched them for a moment. Esmerelda began explaining how easy it would be to crush them with our right leg and still try shoes on our left. I was beginning to hush Esmerelda when she gave me a vision of the 2 little old women cowering at the end of the aisle, clutching onto each other and pleading for mercy as we grew into a Fat Chick Godzilla like creature and made our way down the aisle to teach them some manners, growling, crashing into the shoe shelves and throwing 3 inch heels at then on our way. As amusing as this thought was, I knew it was not the way to go in this situation. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, giggled a little and went back to my shoe shopping, keeping Esmerelda in check. Bertha and Buela continued to yell at each other about their granddaughter’s black hair and grandson’s inability to dress himself but what can we expecct since their parents don’t care how they look so why should the kids. And then Buela looked back in my direction and said “It’s a shame really, she has such a pretty face.” At this, Esmerelda came flying out of the closet and took over. We glared at Bertha and Buela, cleared our throat and said “You do realize that I can hear you, right? You know that I have heard every world you have said about me. In the future, you may want to learn to whisper when you want to talk about someone who is within 6 feet of you.” I picked up the shoes I planned to buy, threw them in my cart and headed down the aisle in their direction. Both women’s dentures practically fell out of their mouths as I walked past them to exit the aisle. Yep, I walked right at them and made them separate so that I could get through. Why? Not sure but I enjoyed it! Rude people need to be taught a lesson and who better than me to teach it to them.

As I have mentioned over and over and over again, I am an emotional/stress eater and right now my world if full of nothing but STRESS!! Why does my brain tell me that eating is going to make everything better? So far, my brain has been wrong in this area but I am not sure how to let it know. Something seems to happen when things get all freaky deaky in my world – My brain tells me that eating a pizza is going to make my parents fighting not as bad or eating a burger will resolve the fight that I have just had with a friend or eating a tray of lasagna will make getting laid off not quite so bad. Does my brain know something that no one else knows? If so, we need to get the word out so that President Elect Obama can get this war we are in resolved by eating Subs – meatball and italian subs. Maybe this whole banking issue can be fixed by eating Chinese food – egg rolls and wontons. And the real estate problems, maybe those can be fixed by eating some cake – red velvet and devils food! My brain has figured out what the rest of the world needs to know – FOOD IS MAGIC! The divorce rate will drop because couples wanting one will be able to eat philly cheesesteaks and potatoe chips and everything will be better! There will be no more fights within families because eating a turkey and stuffing will make everyone get along.
If only this were the case but I am a prime example that it isn’t! Eating has not solved any of my problems. In fact, it has probably made all of my problems worse. I wish that I could find that magic potion that would make all of my problems go away because I would take it, bottle it and sell it on the open market and become a millionaire!! Since I don’t see that happening any time soon, I guess I will just have to work on dealing with these things in my own way and hopefully come across a better way to deal with my issues. Wish me luck!

I love the holidays, really! But considering my current life journey, a holiday that revolves around eating seems to be a bit of a joke!! I mean, I am a FAT CHICK who is wanting to loose some weight and how do we loose weight but to STOP EATING!! We have been planning our Thanksgiving menu since last week and we did the Thanksgiving shopping yesterday to avoid the mad rush of Wednesday.

Now, I come from a large family of eaters! We LOVE TO EAT so Thanksgiving has been a favorite Holiday as far back as I remember. My grandmother would start cooking 2 days early and we would eat ALL DAY LONG - It was great. My family is now spread out across the country so Thanksgiving isn’t what it use to be but we still have a great time and have fabulous food!

I love my Mother, really I do but she likes to pick up strays around the holidays. She meets people who don’t have family in the area and adopts them, especially at this time of year. Now, to an extent, I don’t mind this but there are times when I wish she would think it through. Like Thanksgiving…… we are a family of big eaters and some people just aren’t use to that and might get scared at the dinner table. Personally, I would like to avoid the look of fear in Susy Strays eyes when we lunge at the table like a bunch of starving tigers and begin ripping the turkey apart and inhaling the baked macaroni but Mom sees it differently. She doesn’t seem to see a problem with the Stray hiding and wimpering under the table when we start hand shoveling mashed potatoes in our mouths and pouring gravy into our mouths directly from the gravy boat. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t think I want some little stranger witnessing this yearly ritual. I mean, why bother with utensils or dinner ware? That’s just another load in the dishwasher and this is a Holiday, right? And why clean the table before taking the after dinner nap? We are just gonna start eating again when we wake up so we can just leave the table as is when we fall asleep in place after we finish eating. At this point, Susie Stray has probably locked herself in the bathroom and is crying for someone to come and save her because she probably suspects that SHE IS DESSERT! Which is totally wrong because we have cheesecake, coffee cake, apple pie, ice cream, Boston Cream Pie, coconut cake and jell-o, why would we waste dessert on her when we have all that!

OK, so this is a huge exageration as I hope you have guessed by now. I guess what I am saying is that this, in my opinion, is a holiday for family and close friends, not for strangers because they just don’t understand the strange habits of a family!

Much love to all and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

OK, The Fat Chick is a little ticked off right now! I just read online that one of my favorite shows, Lipstick Jungle, is suppose to be cancelled soon. This really ticks me off because they will keep on crap shows forever but when a great show like this comes on, it gets canned! What the heck is that all about? I don't know but I am adding a link to a petition here so that if anyone reading this likes the show and wants to try to help keep the show on they can join the crusade!

http://www.petitiononline.com/lsj777/petition.html.

And I can't not throw a pitch out there for one of my other favorite new shows, My Own Worst Enemy. Word is floating that it may be cancelled also and I don't want that to happen so if you watch it, please sign the petition also.

http://tvseriesfinale.com/articles/my-own-worst-enemy-petition-nbc-to-keep-the-christian-slater-tv-show-on-the-air/

Thanks!!

I am not perfect but I am beginning to think that some of the things that I am seeing on TV are completely insane! I am a total TV junkie, I admit it but sometimes I see things on TV that make me wonder what the heck in going on in the world that makes us (myself included) watch these things.
OK, here are my current obsession/frustration shows, THANK YOU VH-1!! Rock of Love Charm School and Celebrity Rehab.
Let’s Start with Rock of Love Charm School: Where do they find these women? Is there a farm out in Utah somewhere that grooms them for stripper/porn/reality shows? Did these women sit in their and trashy and be seen by MILLIONS?” I don’t get it!! OK, when I was like 6 or 7, I told my aunt I wanted to be a hooker because I saw a woman on TV wearing shiny tight pants and high heeled shoes and I wanted to wear them but I was 6 or 7 so I guess it doesn’t really count. The show is like a bunch of Trailer Park Barbie’s living together!! I don’t completely understand why I set my freakin’ DVR to record it each week but I DO! And on top of that, I can’t wait to watch it and see what is going on in the Trailer Park!
Now we move onto Celebrity Rehab. Why? Why would anyone in theeir right mind, celebrity or not, want to be recorded going thru drug and/or alcohol rehab? Now, some of these people I really feel for and kinda like but then there is Gary Busey and Jeff Conaway! What the heck is wrong with these 2? They are either fighting like a pair of freakin’ schoolgirls or they are the best of friends…….. like a pair of freakin’ schoolgirls! I mean these 2 have come to physical blows in the first 20 minutes of a episode and by the end, they are practically making out! And Jeff.. thid one has actually called the police and complained that he was being held against his will!! He signed up for it!! Then Gary Busey acts like he is a therapist for everyone else in the group one minute and then the next minute he is preaching. In one episode, he attacked a cameraman for recording him………WHAT?? WHY?? It is a TV show so how else is it suppose to be seen on tv un less it is recorded. Are we suppose to psychically connect with him and know what is happening or maybe it will be divine viewing by Gary praying it into our consciousness! Osmosis!
Am I crazy? Have I completely lost my mind? I am not sure why I watch these shows but I do and I freakin’ enjoy them! Of course, afdter I have watched these shows and enjoyed every minute of them, I spend the next hour totally ashamed of myself and trying to figure out how to wash all of the craziness off of me! Oh well, it is the cycle of life, I guess.

I have always like watching The Food Network….. I mean REALLY like watching it….. like almost borderline addicted! Well, USE TO BE borderline addicted until I started noticing some things.

Have you noticed that almost all of the stars on The Food Network are thin? I mean really thin!! Some of them look like they haven’t eaten in a month. But they talk like they eat constantly and everything in sight but I think not! Prime Example – Giada De Laurentis! I absolutely hate her because she is this tiny little woman who makes all of these fattening Italian foods and CLAIMS that she eats like a pig but she is the size of a freakin’ toothpick! And Aida Mollenkamp of Ask Aida…. She might as well be a model, not a chef. I wonder if she eats anything that she makes. Then there is Sandra Lee of Semi-Homemade, she makes all of the wonderful, decadent meals but looks like she barely eats anything that she cooks. And we can’t forget the guys…… Bobby Flay! He is Mr Skinny and makes all of these bbq meals and I know there is almost NOTHING diet about bbq. I don’t know about you but I don’t trust a chef who doesn’t look like they eat their own creations!

Don’t get me wrong, not all of the Stars are these skinny people. We have Paula Deen, who my mother LOVES and she is a wonderful “plump” grandma type but my arteries get clogged just WATCHING her shows. This woman puts more butter, sour cream and mayonnaise in her recipes, I don’t understand how she isn’t 900 lbs! I don’t think the word HEALTHY is in her vocabulary. Then we have The Neely’s… its bad enough watching them is like watching Kitchen Porn but the foods that they make put 10 lbs on you just reading the recipe.

Thank God there are also some REAL PEOPLE cooking on the Food Network too. There is Nigella, she is a beautiful woman who looks like she eats her own cooking and makes an attempt to make some healthier meals. The Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten, is another one who is lovely and cooks beautiful meals and makes a nice balance between healthy and not so healthy meals. And we have America’s Sweetheart Rachael Ray! I actually like her quite a bit because she is real about her cooking. She makes great meals and gives options to make them healthier if you want and makes them easy to make too.
She has taken the world by storm and still seems to be a real person and you gotta respect that.

I like watching cooking shows. They can be really entertaining and can be helpful in creating foods that taste good and are healthy. I get frustrated when I watch a boney thin person cooking a fattening meal and they are happy to eat just a bite or 2. If it were me, I would eat the whole damn thing and still want more! I want to watch people cook who I can believe are eating the foods themselves….like I might eat the foods.

I know I have issues with food and I don’t try to hide that from anyone. Why me? I don’t know. Will I ever get over these issues with food? Not sure but there is always hope for a Fat Chick, right?

I have said nothing so far about this election but now that it is over and we have a winner, I guess I will say something.....
HALLELUJAH! OBAMA WON!! YAY!! HORRAY!! YIPPY!!! YOWZA!!
'Nuff said!

A strange thing happens with you suddenly have more time on your hands than you are use to having – you are forced to deal with you and all of your own issues, whether you like it or not! The truth is that I DON’T LIKE IT, not one damn bit!! I try to be a “happy-go-lucky” chick but sometimes that is just not possible. There comes a time when you have no choice but to stand, stripped naked, both physically and mentally, in front of the mirror and see yourself….. THE REAL YOU!! Not the you that you let all of your friends see, or the one that you show to your family, not the you that you show to strangers when you are in the mall or grocery, or the you that gets shoved out when the real you is just not ready to face the world. You have to face the YOU that sometimes cries herself to sleep at night, the you that stands in the closet in the morning and thinks “Why does it matter how I look?”, the you that feels useless or worthless or even a failure. Even the most positive person has to do battle with that part of themself and if they deny it, they are lying. The trick is to find a way to win the battle - find a way to fight through the fog of self doubt, self loathing, insecurity, hurt and even self hate! You have to fight until you are able to see the light again.
Well, I have my boxing gloves on and I am having that fight right now. I feel like no matter how hard I try to loose weight and/or get healthy, I fail miserably!! There are times when I feel like I am doing good on a weight loss program and when the time comes to weigh in, I’ve gained weight, not lost! How does that happen? So, of course, I automatically throw myself into a large pizza, a pan of lasagna, a philly cheese steak or a tray of nachos in hopes that it will make me feel better about my failure. I stuff my face and , for that moment, everything is OK – the food give me a very temporary feeling of relief and all is good in the world. Once the food is gone, the self hate begins! I start to hate myself for eating, for loosing control, for giving in to that little voice that tells me that once I eat everything will be OK and my problems won’t bother me anymore. The truth is that all that eating has just added to my problems! I may have just eaten enough to add another pound to my weight and that sure isn’t helping the situation.
So, how do you stop the eating cycle? How do you stop feeling like food will solve your problems? This may sound like a weird question to some but to people like me, who are addicted to food, it makes perfect sense. So, how do I stop? How do I start to change my association with food? It isn’t easy, that’s for sure but I have to do it. I am working on it, really I am and with the help and support of family, friends, my Dr and anyone else who can help me, I will make it!!

Last night I was doing some late night online reading and came across an article that knocked me off of my bed and caused me to cry for my Mommy!
The state of Alabama has just approved a plan that will charge its employees a monthly “penalty” if they do not loose weight to the states satisfaction within a year. The state normally does not charge it’s employees for health insurance but they will begin to Jan 2010 if they are unable to loose weight if they are deemed obese after a medical screening. If they are deemed overweight , they have a year to become “healthy” or they will begin to have to pay for their health insurance.
Is it me or does that sound a bit like DISCRIMINATION? I mean it is Alabama so maybe they don’t know any better but you would think that someone in the state would realize that this is not the smartest thing to do.
This is like McDonald’s saying that people with blonde hair have to pay more for their Big Mac’s than anyone else. Or Wal-Mart charging people with blue eyes for bags and not charging anyone else.
What do you think? Can someone out there find a way to help me understand this a little better?

I was chatting with someone who reads my blog regularly and they gave me a genius idea...... maybe I should start a Wikizine!! OK, at first, I wasn't sure what the heck a wikizine was but I am GREAT at Google and Ask.com so I quickly found out without anyone realizing that I wasn't sure in the first place! (Sometimes I am just too smart!) Just in case you don't know what it is, a wikizine is a web-based magazine that any reader can update or add to. Doesn't that sound like fun! I have been thinking it over for a few days and decided that this is a GREAT IDEA! I found a site that hosts wikizines and started one for me, you and anyone else who is interested. And are you ready for the name......... Don't Hate Me Because I am BIG AND BEAUTIFUL. Now, what I need from you are ideas on what we want there. Articles....... reviews....... what would interest YOU? This may fall flat on its butt or it could end up being something fantastic, help me figure it out!!

Today is D day for me!! I am getting back on the dieting bandwagon whether I like it or not! I have already had breakfast, coffee AND journaled my food so HA!
I have to admit that the idea that I am watching what I eat makes me want to eat EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE!! All I can think about is the pasta in the cabinet, the bread in breadbox, the bagels on top of the fridge, the numbers for the pizza delivery places, the menus for the chinese delivery places, etc. Why does that happen? Yesterday I was all psyched and ready to go but today I am craving every freakin' food imaginable, even foods that I normally don't crave! Chocolate. for instance. I am not a huge chocolate eater but for some reason, right now I would give my right arm for a piece of some kind of chocolate. And my left arm for some blueberry pop tarts!
Ok, that is enough ranting for now. Will probably be back later to share more...... don't miss me too much!