In my journey in life to become a SHRINKING FAT CHICK, I have encountered so many obstacles that have made me either scream “I can’t take it anymore! Where is the pizza!” or “I don’t need the pizza. I’ll have a carrot instead.” I know, a carrot for a pizza is not realistic but I am trying to make the point that sometimes dieting is easy and sometimes dieting is the hardest thing to do in the world.
I sometimes wonder why some people are “graced” with being overweight and some are not. It can’t be all related to food and how much people eat because I know some heavy people that really don’t eat much at all and I know some Skinny Minnie’s who eat like horses! So, what is it? What is the determining factor? Are we put into a lottery at birth? Or maybe God (or whoever you believe in) sits with a big top hat with our names in it and draws names to determine who will be overweight and who will not? Does it have something to do with a past life? Maybe Karma? I just don’t understand at all and I really want to. I want to know WHY ME? Now, I have come to terms with my weight. I am what I am and if you don’t like it, screw you! But just because I have come to terms with it doesn’t mean that I like it, it just means that I have accepted that this is who I am right now. Can it change? Yes, but you can’t live your life looking to what could be, you have to live in the here and now and here and now, I’m FAT! (That’s right, I called myself fat!) What I want to know is why was it decided that I would have to be fat? Why couldn’t I be one of those girls that is 5ft 8in tall, perfect body and hair, and can eat any and everything she wants to without gaining an ounce? Why did it have to be me to have to deal with all of the crap that goes along with being overweight through my childhood, teen years and adulthood? There are times when I feel like there is this whole part of life that I have missed out on because of my weight, some by my choice and some not. How would my life had been different if I had been a size 8 rather than 24+? Who knows but sometimes I can’t help but wonder. One thing I do know is that I wouldn’t have so many purses and I would have a heck of a lot more clothes!
As weird as this may sound, sometimes the idea of really loosing weight scares me. I have been overweight as far back as I can remember, sometimes heavier than other times but always heavy. They say that the biggest fear that a person can have is the fear of the unknown – well, this is my unknown. I don’t know what it is like to be thin. I want to know, trust me, but it may make me a raging lunatic or a tramp or an idiot or who knows what. I’ve seen it happen in friends who have lost a lot of weight. They loose their mind and become a different person. They don’t see it but everyone around them does. I like the person that I am now so I don’t want to loose that but I want being thin to no longer be my unknown!
So, how do I make it happen? Where is the magic pill that I can take to make me not want to eat anymore? What is the magic workout that is easy and fun? Where is the magic elixir that I can drink to make all of the fat melt away? There is always surgery but do I really want to take that route. Heck, surgery is a whole other blog. How do I make it easier than it is now? I don’t know and I don’t think anyone else knows either. I have often heard that people loose the weight when they are ready to loose the weight. I feel like I am ready so why isn’t the weight coming off? What have I been doing wrong? I’ll probably never know but I do know this – I want to loose this weight and I will not given up on loosing it because when I give up, the weight has won and that is a defeat that I just can’t accept so I am putting on my armor and preparing for the battle of a lifetime or maybe I should say the battle for my life.

I don’t know about you but I am always hoping and praying that some magic drug will miraculously come into existence that will help me loose weight or make the idea of eating so disgusting to me that I will stop eating all together. I know, not the smartest way to deal with wanting to loose weight but I am only human!!
Anyhoo, I have a close friend who, last year, was having some issues. She did the smart thing and went to the Doctor for some help and was prescribed Adderal. It did wonders for her in so many ways – one of which was it caused her to loose most of her appetite and loose some weight. I think she has lost about 35-40 lbs – the supportive friend says “Good for you!!” while my inner fat chick says “You suck!”
As she has told me about her newfound weight loss, all I can think about is what symptoms do I have to fake to get that pill? Do I have to twitch uncontrollably? Yell obscenities at strangers? Throw temper-tantrums for no reason? Cry on queue? Whatever it is, I am sure I can do it. I was in the drama club in school and did all kinds of church plays growing up so this should be a breeze. OK, lets see – Adderall is normally prescribed for ADHD or Narcolepsy. So, I just need to fake the symptoms of one of these 2 conditions. Heck, if I want to be sure to get it, maybe I should fake symptoms for both!
When I go in to talk to the Dr, I can get distracted easily. Then, I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Then, once I have faked sleeping for a few minutes, I can wake up with a jolt and yell “Look at the pretty lights!” then get up and start cleaning the Dr’s desk, dancing the cha cha while going off on tangents when I answer his questions. After a few minutes of that I can collapse and fall asleep again. I think the Dr will buy it, don’t you? I wonder how long I will have to keep it up? It seems like it could get exhausting to keep it going for too long. I mean with all of the dancing, cleaning, collapsing and random spurts of craziness. On top of the weight I would loose from taking the pills, I would be getting quite a workout. This plan has benefits all around!

My scales conspiracy against me continues!! What the heck have I done to that stupid scale to make it want to make me so darn miserable? I thought I was going to have a freakin’ nervous breakdown this morning while attempting (and I stress attempting) to weigh myself this morning.
So, I go into my kitchen to weigh myself (yes, I have decided that my kitchen is the best place to weigh myself – seems logical to me…. Weigh, get depressed, take cheese from fridge and eat….. it made sense at the time!). I took the scale from the closet where it has been locked away and placed it on the floor between my fridge (easy access to food) and my dish washer (gotta clean the plate that I ate the food from) and tapped it like the instructions say. She chimes at me “Hello”, waits a few seconds and says “I’m ready”. To me that means she is ready for me to stand on her so she can yell to the universe how much I weigh. I took a deep breath (like that was going to make me loose 20 lbs) and step on Hortense – I’ve name the scale Hortense, I’ll explain why later. I wait….. and wait…. and wait….. and wait…. and after about 3 minutes, Hortense yells “Goodbye”. What?? Why?? She is trying to torture me. So I step off of Hortense, sit down on a dining room chair that I have brought into the kitchen, and yell a few choice words at her before explaining to her that I am in charge here and she needs to do what I want. I start the process all over again….. tap, “Hello…… I’m ready”, step on scale, wait….. wait…..wait….wait… now about 2 minutes went by and Hortense has said nothing, NOT A THING!! I hate her! I know she was sitting there laughing at me in her stupid computer voice but would she tell me how much I weigh……NO!! So I step off and she tells me Goodbye. I sit down again and put my head down on my stove (it wasn’t on so I was good) in frustration. I decided that maybe I needed to move Hortense so I picked her up and moved her about 3 feet further into the kitchen. I thought maybe she was intimidated my the fridge knowing that I love the fridge because it gives me goodies and snacks and I hate her because she yells at me and tells me how fat I am. I placed Hortense in front of the sink and tapped her to get her started. When she said hello, I responded very nicely in my calmest of voices “Hello Dear, how are you?” to which she responded “I’m ready”. I explained to her that it was important that I get my current weight from her and how appreciative I would be when she gave it to me before stepping on her. I waited a few moments but Hortense stayed quiet. I waited a few more and Hortense finally chirped “GOODBYE”. At this point, I am ready to throw Hortense in the microwave and giggle & clap as she explodes from the radiation, but I didn’t. Instead, I screamed at her “What is wrong with you? What have I done to deserve this treatment from you? I AM IN CHARGE HERE SO YOU BETTER GIVE ME MY WEIGHT!! If you don’t, I am taking your batteries. Try talking and torturing me without them!!“ I gave Hortense the evil eye and pointed my finger and her and let her know that this was her last chance and I was not kidding! I gave her the tap, waited and as soon as she said she was ready I stepped on her. I stood as still as possible and waited to hear her voice scream at me that I have gained 5 lbs or lost 2 lbs, anything would have made me happy, anything except goodbye. As I waited, I watched the clock on my microwave and after 3 minutes of waiting, I had had it with Hortense!! I sat down on my chair, picked her up and said “I warned you!!” I flipped her over, opened the battery compartment and took the batteries out!! Her torturing days are done, for a while anyway.

I am beginning to think that my scales has it in for me!
I mean first, it screams my weight to the neighborhood and almost caused me to have a heart attack. Now, it picks and chooses when it wants to tell me how much I weigh. If it were up to me, I would never want to know how much I weigh but this whole weight loss thing requires it. And I am beginning to think that it just doesn't like me - I attempted to weigh myself earlier today and the damn thing kept telling me GOODBYE! What the heck is that all about? I would step on it, wait.... and wait longer.... and longer.... then it would say goodbye! Like it was tired of me and wanted me to just go away - stupid Primadonna scale! I did not pay $90 for a high quality scale to get attitude from it! I paid $90 for a scale so that I could weigh myself at home and not have to pay Weight Watchers $12 a week to get weighed. Besides that, FAT CHICKS need special scales that can handle them! It is a nice looking scale, black and silver with a nice big display and a nice woman's voice to tell me exactly how fat I am - SOUNDS GREAT, HUH?
Truthfully, I did Weight Watchers for a while and it was great but I got to the point where I was only going to get weighed, not for the meeting or the people, just the scale. The people got on my nerves most of the time and the meetings were just telling me things that I knew already but had decided not to follow because I like pizza too much and being a big fat heffer is just too much damn fun!! (that last part is sarcasm- anyone that has read anything that I write knows I am VERY SARCASTIC and loves me for it)
I have not given up on loosing weight, I can't give up on it - it's a necessity - but it makes me crazy sometimes (like now) and I hate that! I have been visiting SparkPeople on a very regular basis and I like it so far. And as you can tell, I am weighing myself even though I hate it. I hope that eventually I will feel a little better about this dieting thing but until then IT SUCKS!

A few months ago I met this great guy..... I know, hard to believe but true! What luck I had to meet someone who was totally OK with my being A FAT CHICK and actually liked it!! Things were great until I started talking about loosing weight! Can you believe this crap? He does not seem to want me to loose weight!! Why, you may ask? This is a quote from his mouth "YOU ARE THE WAY GOD MADE YOU. WHY CHANGE THAT?" So, God made me fat and wants me to stay fat and not do anything to loose weight or better my health? Does that make any sense at all? Not a damn bit! I love the fact that he is OK with me the way I am but why would he not want me to do something that I want to do? Why would he not encourage me to better myself? But, not him. He knows that I am an emotional eater and he is like my pusher! I am upset after a bad day at work, he offers to buy me a pizza. I have a fight with my friend and he wants to buy me ice cream and cake. Have I completely lost my mind? Now, loosing weight is not going to be easy, I know this but it is something that I want to do. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and do all of the things that I want to do that maybe I have not done because I am overweight. If he really cares for me, shouldn't he support anything that I want to do? Even if he is not crazy about it? I mean, I don't want him to shave his head but if he really wanted to do it, I would support him. I may pick on him but it would be supportive picking! I just can't believe my luck here. I had given up on having a boyfriend and I find one that turns out to be WEIRD!
Just the luck of this FAT CHICK!