Now I know that this dieting/weight loss thing would not be easy but GIVE ME A FREAKIN’ BREAK! Why is it that when I am not dieting, I will have almost no cravings at all but when I am dieting, I want everything imaginable! The food calls me – not on my cell or anything (jeesh, that would be crazy). Sometimes it yells at me as I drive by restaurants. Take this morning for example: I drive by a Taco Bell on my way to work each morning. Taco Bell isn’t exactly by favorite place but sometimes it hits the spot! Just before I got to the light where the Taco Bell is, I could hear a Cheesy Beefy Melt calling me in its little Mexican accent…. “hey Fat Chick…. It’s me, Cheesy Beefy Melt…. Come on thru the drive thru and get me so I can go to work with you and keep you company. I’ll make myself look all pretty for you – extra cheese and sour cream. Come and get me” Before I saw that big bell in the sky, there was no thought of any food much less a cheesy beef melt but once I got within hearing distance, he was all over me. As I sat at the light, I turned up the stereo in my car but that just made him yell louder and get a few friends to join. He called Nachos Bel Grande and Steak Quesadilla so I had all 3 of them calling me, like little Mexican sirens of the sea and it was hard for me to resist. Speaking of Sirens, the Starbucks Siren got in on the action to since Starbucks is right next to Taco Bell, and we all know how much I love me some Starbucks. “Oh Fat Chick, how I love you and wish to make you smile with the yummy goodness of my White Chocolate Mocha with Caramel added” was her cry and it was getting harder to resist so I turned the stereo up really loud, opened the sunroof, rolled down the windows and turned on the air conditioner. I wanted everything imaginable that could distract me from the call of the food! I beat on my steering wheel to the beat of the music while I sang along with Madonna and Justin. The people in the cars around me were probably thinking I was a lunatic but I didn’t care, I needed to distract myself from the Call of the Food! I felt this huge sense of relief when I saw the red light turn green, I thought there was freedom in sight but that is when the little NY style pizza joint came into view – DAMN IT ALL!! Will the torture ever end? As I made the turn, I heard that heavy Brooklyn accent call me “Yo Fat Chick, I got some cheesy pepperoni over here just waitin’ for ya. And my cousin Manicotti says hello and wants you to get over here too! Diet? Forget about it, you needs some good ol’ pizza and pasta to make everything A-OK. And Mama is making some cannoli for you too. Come on……” Now, how the heck am I suppose to be a Good Girl in the Diet World when I have food calling me left and right? This is no easy task but I made it past the Starbucks and Taco Bell without incident. I felt like stopping the car, jumping out and doing that thumbs in the ears and tongue sticking out thing that kids do when they are picking on each other and yelling “Nanny Nanny BooBoo, you didn’t get me” but I didn’t because I thought they would come running after me and shove themselves in my mouth before I could stop them! Not to mention that I was not completely past the pizza joint and they could get me if I did that – and I think they are hooked up with the Food Mafia or something so I don’t want to take any chances. Knowing that if I could only hang on for about 2 minutes I would be OK, I took a firm grip of my steering wheel and hit the gas! As I passed the pizza joint, I was oh so very tempted to let my little birdies fly thru my sun roof – if you don’t know what birdies, look at your hands J. But I knew better – remember THE FOOD MAFIA!! Well, you will be happy to know that I made it to work with no problems, no Taco Bell, Starbucks or Pizza in my hands as I walked thru the door. Of course, now I am starving but I will have a salad in a little while. Maybe I can convince myself that the salad is a slice of pizza.

I decided this morning that I was going to stop for coffee on my way into work. There are so many reasons to stop – The yummy goodness of coffee, the little pick-me-up that I get, the REALLY CUTE Barista……. But I digress.
My intention was to get a Caramel Light Frappuccino because they taste really good and they are pretty low in calorie. As I turned into the parking lot of my work Starbucks (I have a work Starbucks which is around the corner from my office and a home Starbucks which is about a mile from my apartment – and they know me by name and drink at both…… again, I digress), I noticed that there was a car at the little order taking box thingy so I pulled in behind them, opened my sunroof a bit and put the radio a little louder. As I sat listening to the new Madonna/Justin Timberlake song and watching the sky, my mind drifted off to Coffee Heaven and how wonderful an Iced Venti Vanilla Caramel Latte would taste……. The subtle sweetness of the vanilla and caramel together and the wonderful taste of the latte, all blended together to make a little piece of heaven just for me! As I watched the car in front of me pull ahead to the pick-up window and remembered the horrible taste of that disgraceful skinny latte I went into a mini- coffee panic! I want to be “a good girl in the diet world” but that is just cruel and unusual punishment for a true coffee lover such as myself. As the speaker began to crackle “Welcome to Starbucks….” my mind went blank. What do I do? Do I order crap coffee or do I get what I want and take the hit in calories? AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Too much pressure for me to deal with and not have caffeine…… that’s what this dilemma was all about, my caffeine!! Before Stephanie had finished her welcome, I screamed into the menu box/microphone in a panicked voice “ICED VENTI VANILLA CARAMEL LATTE WITH CARAMEL SAUCE DRIZZLE AND WHIP CREAM……. EXTRA DRIZZLE!” I felt a sense of relief once the order was placed but then I realized what I had done, I had ordered not only the real deal but added extra caramel and whip cream! My eyes bulged open and I covered my mouth like a 5 year old who had just been caught by Mom saying things she isn’t suppose to say. I had gone from one extreme to the other!! I mumbled “Shit! I can’t believe I did that!” and grabbed my steering wheel and considered speeding out of the line and out of the parking lot in shame but then I realized that if I did that, I wouldn’t get my coffee!! The menu box giggled at me and said “Excuse me?” to which I responded “I’m sorry, I am having issues right now. Can I get a Chop Chop Salad with that also?” She gave me my total and I slowly drove to the window to get my order. I had to wait for a minute or 2 until the car in front of me pull away so I had a few moments to contemplate my next step….. do I get to the window and change my order or do I just deal with the consequences of my actions, enjoying my coffee in the process? This was quite a dilemma but as soon as I saw the car in front of me pull away from the window, I knew what I had to do and I was prepared!! I pulled up to the window and saw my REALLY CUTE barista smiling at me and asking if I was OK. Ya’ see, he was training Stephanie and overheard the entire incident!! Ok, so now, not only was I “a bad girl in the diet world” but I was utterly humiliated and wanted to crawl under a rock and weep! I smiled and apologized for my erratic and explained that I was struggling with my drink choice as yelled out my order before I had really decided. He laughed at me and said “This is why I like you! Everytime you come thru the window, we have some fun!” I laughed and handed him my money and he handed me a bag with my salad and then my drink. I put my sunglasses back on while I waited for my change. Cutie Pie handed me a $5 bill and some change but this was wrong. I handed him a $10 bill so I should have only gotten back some change. I told him that he had made a mistake but he said “No, I haven’t made a mistake, look at your receipt once you get to your office but not before. Now get to work young lady!” I smiled and drove off. Once I got to my office and sat down at my desk, pulled the receipt out of my purse and looked at it. At the bottom of the receipt, Cutie Pie had written me a little note: “Anyone who has that much of a problem choosing what kind of coffee to get, shouldn’t have to pay for it. This one is on me.” WOW! That Vanilla Caramel Latte is normally really good but it tastes so much better when it is free!! After all that, I decided to take the hit in calories for my coffee and really enjoy it…… and I did!! I called Starbucks later in the morning to thank Cutie Pie for his generosity and to ask what kind of milk was used (whole or 2%) in my drink. Fortunately, it was 2% so my drink wasn’t quite as bad as I expected.
I made a decision that I would not make myself suffer when it comes to coffee, maybe I will just get a smaller size or stick with the 2% rather than whole milk. Don’t think I could handle going thru that again!