As I mentioned in my last post, I made a New Year’s Resolution to really lose weight this year. I know that it is something that I really need to do so I have been spending some time trying to find new and creative ways to lose weight. There are all kinds of pills and creams and gels and potions and mixtures all over the internet that are suppose to make you lose 20 lbs overnight or 50 lbs in 7 days by eating sand and daisy petals but that is just insane! The only way to lose that kind of weight is to amputate a limb or 2 and don’t think I haven’t thought about it because I have! But after a few minutes I realize that I would have to live an arm or leg and that would bother me.
I have tried so many diets and they never work for me. I have read articles about what makes a diet successful and no one seems to really have a solution to the Diet Dilemma. I have been thinking about what would make a diet work for me and it seems that I need to find foods that I really enjoy eating but that are not bad for me. So, let’s see…….. that would eliminate the Pizza Diet, the Burger Diet, the Taco Bell Diet, the Lasagna diet, the Pasta, Pasta, Pasta Diet so what is a Fat Chick to do?? I guess I need to CREATE MY OWN DIET! When I have tried this in the past, friends and family have told me NO but I don’t see them with a degree in dietology so I have been working on creating my own diet and we’ll see how I do.
Ok, my first attempt at solving the Diet Dilemma is The Diet Coke Diet. All Diet Coke, All The Time!! There are so many varieties of Diet Coke now – There is Regular Diet Coke, Diet Coke with Lime, Diet Coke with Cherry, Diet Coke Plus, and Caffeine Free Diet Coke! Now if that isn’t enough variety for you than you can try The Diet Pepsi Diet – Diet Pepsi, Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi, Diet Pepsi with Vanilla, Diet Pepsi with Lime, Pepsi Max, Diet Pepsi with Wild Cherry, Black Cherry French Vanilla Diet Pepsi Jazz, Caramel Cream Diet Pepsi Jazz. When I came up with these diets, friends told me I was crazy and would have to put some “real food” in there somewhere so I decided to change it a little to the Diet Cola and Broccoli Diet – alternate between Diet Soda and broccoli all day long! Then someone came along and said I needed to add some protein in there somewhere so I decided that I would go with the Diet Cola, Broccoli and broiled chicken diet – OK, you drink diet cola all day and then for dinner you alternate between chicken and broccoli but on the 3rd day, you have chicken AND broccoli together!! How is that for variety!? Now if you really want to be CRAZY you can go with the DIET SODA diet. How is this different from my other 2 you ask? Well, the others only had Diet Cola’s but this one incorporates all diet soda’s – Diet 7-Up, Diet Sprite, Sierra Mist Zero, Diet Root Beer, Diet Orange Soda, etc. And you can add the Broccoli and/or Chicken to it also! As I worked on these, I realized that ther was something very important to me missing from my diet attempts – COFFEE!! I love coffee and don’t think that I could give it up so I had to add that into the mix so I came up with the Coffee and Diet Soda Diet – Coffee for breakfast, Soda for lunch and BOTH FOR DINNER! I can mix and match all of these!! Add a salad in here and there! Sounds like a plan!! Maybe I will try it and see how I do!
I will keep you updated on my status………

Today is D day for me!! I am getting back on the dieting bandwagon whether I like it or not! I have already had breakfast, coffee AND journaled my food so HA!
I have to admit that the idea that I am watching what I eat makes me want to eat EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE!! All I can think about is the pasta in the cabinet, the bread in breadbox, the bagels on top of the fridge, the numbers for the pizza delivery places, the menus for the chinese delivery places, etc. Why does that happen? Yesterday I was all psyched and ready to go but today I am craving every freakin' food imaginable, even foods that I normally don't crave! Chocolate. for instance. I am not a huge chocolate eater but for some reason, right now I would give my right arm for a piece of some kind of chocolate. And my left arm for some blueberry pop tarts!
Ok, that is enough ranting for now. Will probably be back later to share more...... don't miss me too much!

I was watching a nationally syndicated talk show a few mornings ago and became very frustrated with what I was watching. “What did you see Fat Chick? Please share.” I know that this is what all of you are saying to yourselves right now so I will share with you BUT ONLY YOU!!

I was watching and in the “sneak peek” they said that they would be talking so someone who lost a “tremendous” amount of weight. Well, this peaked my attention since I too want to loose a tremendous amount of weight. I sat, glued to the TV, anxiously awaiting the segment to begin and after 3 minutes of commercials about Fast Food restaurants, feminine hygiene products and Direct TV, it began. The host spoke of how this young woman had struggled with her weight all of her life and finally DID IT! As I heard this, I wanted to grab my pom-pom’s, leap into a spread eagle jump and give her a cheer. I was going to see a segment about someone like me and I really needed the encouragement to get my weight loss train a chuggin’ again. They showed a current picture and she was a young girl, maybe 25, wearing shorts and a T-shirt. As they talked, I couldn’t wait to see where she started and how much weight she had lost in total. As her “before” picture came onto my TV screen, all of my anticipation came to a screeching halt and I felt the need to scream at the top of my lungs! The picture on the screen was of the same girl with longer hair and about 40 lbs heavier than she currently was on the show. Since when is 40 llbs a TREMENDOUS amount of weight? I was expecting to see someone who had lost 150-200 lbs, maybe even 300 lbs but no, I see a woman who “waged a battle for 4 whole months” to loose 48 lbs! My right thigh probably weighs that much! Heck, 5 lbs of the weight was probably from getting her hair cut! And as she spoke about how she lost her WHOPPING 48 LB, I began to daydream about how awesome it would be to only have to loose 48 lbs. She cut her soda intake down to 2 cans a day, and drank diet soda instead of regular soda. She ate salads for lunch each day and had small meals for dinner so she didn’t have all that food in her stomach before going to bed. As she gave her tips and the host looked at her in awe, I began to get really frustrated - Don’t get me frustrated, you wouldn’t like me when I’m frustrated!! (Sorry, saw a trailer for the new hulk movie.) I watch these TV Talk shows and many of them do segments about weight loss but rarely do we see someone who has to loose more than 75-100 lbs. Now, that is a great thing but don’t my fellow fat chicks and I deserve to see someone who has really waged the BATTLE OF THE BULGE. Maybe 200-250 lbs lost? Let’s get nuts and make it 300 lbs! Then I start to wonder why we rarely see that and when we do, why is it normally a pre-recorded segment? Are they afraid that the overweight or formerly overweight person is going to eat everything in the Green Room and then go on a rampage thru the studio eating trinkets from people desks and rummaging thru purses and drawers for loose candy and snacks? Maybe they think the overweight or formerly overweight person will scare the studio audience. The children in the audience will scream for their parents to save them from the BIG FAT LADY who is sniffing their hair because they used Cotton Candy shampoo that morning. Could there be a fear that they will break the furniture and attack the host, grabbing them and climbing up into the rafters like King Kong did.
I guess I am also wondering why weight loss programs like Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers use people who have lost 30-40 lbs in their commercials when using someone who has lost 210 lbs would really show the effectiveness of their programs but I guess they just wouldn’t be “pretty” enough. The only time that we see these people are when the talk shows want to talk about the dreaded weight loss surgeries – then they are more than happy to show the 400 lb woman who is having a majority of her stomach removed to loose 250 lbs along with the woman who now weighs 125 lbs but use to weigh 375 and had her stomach stapled or banded up so that her body wouldn’t and couldn’t absorb the nutrients needed so she could loose that 250 lbs. And do we often here about the problems that went along with the surgery? Nope!
I am a self proclaimed Fat Chick on a mission. What is my mission? To open the eyes of our Thincentric society to the fact that Fat People are not going to disappear just because you pick on them and call them names. We are flesh and blood, just like them. We have feelings, just like them. We too want to be happy and healthy, just like them. The difference is that we have to get there on a different road but our roads will cross sometimes and it would be so much easier to be able to just coexist without the boundaries of weight.
Come on people, can’t we all just get along!

I don’t know about you but I am always hoping and praying that some magic drug will miraculously come into existence that will help me loose weight or make the idea of eating so disgusting to me that I will stop eating all together. I know, not the smartest way to deal with wanting to loose weight but I am only human!!
Anyhoo, I have a close friend who, last year, was having some issues. She did the smart thing and went to the Doctor for some help and was prescribed Adderal. It did wonders for her in so many ways – one of which was it caused her to loose most of her appetite and loose some weight. I think she has lost about 35-40 lbs – the supportive friend says “Good for you!!” while my inner fat chick says “You suck!”
As she has told me about her newfound weight loss, all I can think about is what symptoms do I have to fake to get that pill? Do I have to twitch uncontrollably? Yell obscenities at strangers? Throw temper-tantrums for no reason? Cry on queue? Whatever it is, I am sure I can do it. I was in the drama club in school and did all kinds of church plays growing up so this should be a breeze. OK, lets see – Adderall is normally prescribed for ADHD or Narcolepsy. So, I just need to fake the symptoms of one of these 2 conditions. Heck, if I want to be sure to get it, maybe I should fake symptoms for both!
When I go in to talk to the Dr, I can get distracted easily. Then, I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Then, once I have faked sleeping for a few minutes, I can wake up with a jolt and yell “Look at the pretty lights!” then get up and start cleaning the Dr’s desk, dancing the cha cha while going off on tangents when I answer his questions. After a few minutes of that I can collapse and fall asleep again. I think the Dr will buy it, don’t you? I wonder how long I will have to keep it up? It seems like it could get exhausting to keep it going for too long. I mean with all of the dancing, cleaning, collapsing and random spurts of craziness. On top of the weight I would loose from taking the pills, I would be getting quite a workout. This plan has benefits all around!

I am beginning to wonder if I am a bad person? Is it wrong of me to want to beat up a friend because she lost a few pounds? Let me explain
I was sitting at work earlier today, minding my own business, when a friend called me. As most people do when the phone rings, I answered it and began talking to my friend. We had the normal “How was work? Any plans for tonight?” conversation when she proceeded to tell me about going out to dinner with another friend, eating like a pig and drinking like a fish. She then proceeds to tell me that she went to her weekly WW meeting today and was scared to get on the scale because of everything that she ate and drank last night. I gave her the supportive friend speech and told her that it isn’t the end of the world, tomorrow is a new day, etc. She laughs and said “Well, I was shocked when I actually lost weight, 2 pounds!” The supportive friend said “Well, good for you! That’s great!” But my inner Fat Chick wanted to smack her, shove a pack of HoHo’s in her mouth and say “Oh, so you are bragging now? You can loose weight without trying and I can’t even get my stupid scale to weigh me! You suck! I hate you! Go away now!” Of course, I didn’t say any of these things but I sure did want to! She continued on about how she was so shocked and really excited about it and as my eyes rolled back in my head, I had a little momentary daydream about loading her up with water and bricks in her pants and making her weigh herself again…… I’d like to see her brag about loosing weight then! I know that I shouldn’t feel like that but I can’t help it! Especially since I am having such a hard time! Heck, lately I get excited when I take my shoes off because it means I have probably lost ½ pound! Do you think if I weighed on my tippy toes I would loose anything? Probably not but I gotta look for every angle I can to boost my “Weight Loss Morale” because Hortense surely isn’t helping. Now, my friend really isn’t that much overweight so the concept of her loosing anything makes me want to scream, run to the fridge and have a private moment with a can of whipped cream, a block of sharp cheddar and the left over pasta form my binge session the other night….. not all together – well, maybe the cheddar and the pasta, the whipped cream can be dessert. Well, anyhoo – I am sure that it was not her intent to brag or put into a Fat Chick Tail Spin but I can’t help how I feel about it. And be proud of me because I haven’t called her and asked her to go out to dinner with me to like Olive Garden or some other place where everything on the menu will make you gain 3 pounds – baby steps, baby steps.

There are times when I think that I must be an absolute lunatic! I’m talking an absolute full blown whack job!! I am beginning to really wonder why I do some of the insane things that I do. I mean, am I possessed by Fatty McGee or something?
I am sure you are thinking “Hey Fat Chick, what are you talking about? You are sounding a little crazy right now.” Well, let me explain where my insanity is coming from……
Ya see, it all started a few nights ago while I was at work. I hadn’t really eaten all day and was starting to get hungry. It was close to closing time for me so I was trying to think of what I wanted to eat for dinner. Salad? How boring! Chicken breast? How plain. Fish? I am no good at cooking fish. Whatever shall a Fat Chick eat for dinner? Well, I got an email from Pizza Hut about their new pastas and thought “YUM! That looks really good. Maybe I will get that for dinner!” Decision made! I started to finish up a few things before I headed out of the office and decided to go for a quick romp through SparkLand. As I traipsed thru a few message boards, I realized that getting this stupid pasta was not the right thing to do for dinner! How the hell am I suppose to loose weight when I am eating all of the things that I know I shouldn’t eat? And then, I hear it…. The voice in the back of my brain that tells me all of the reasons why it is OK to get the pasta. I think I will call that voice Fatty McGee now. I hear Fatty say “Now Fat Chick, you have been a good girl this week and you deserve a treat!” or “What is it gonna hurt to have this pasta tonight? It will be a one time thing” And here is where the inner battle begins. I start thinking to myself “Have I been a good girl this week? It could be the last time for a while. It’s not good to deprive yourself when trying to loose weight so maybe it’s not that bad of an idea.” Well, there ya’ go! Decision made again – Pasta it is! The battle isn’t over yet, not by a long shot but for now, Fatty is quiet. I get back to work so that I can go home and order my dinner. I run to the “Little Girl’s” room and as I step in front of that HUGE mirror, I get a glance of myself and depression sets in because I don’t like what I see. I look like Jaba the Hut!! I let out a quick scream and run into a stall so that I can close the door and try to erase the vision from my mind bny thinking of happy things – bunnies, puppies, rainbows, pizza, cheesecake - but just as I cleanse my thoughts, I have to leave the stall which means I have to see Jaba again on my way out of the bathroom. As I walk back to my desk, I start thinking about wanting to get out of the office as quickly as possible because Jaba has scared me and if I can get away quickly maybe Jaba will leave me alone. As I sit down, Fatty comes back and proceeds to tell me how that pasta will make me feel better since I am feeling all scared and emotional right now. Or maybe good old pizza will do the trick. Fatty is like a freakin’ pusher – she sits on my shoulder like one of those little demons that you see in cartoons or the movies that tell you all of the wrong things to do. And you will never believe what Miss Fatty McGee is wearing - a hot pink muumuu with turquoise and yellow flowers! Damn catalogs! And apparently, I am a junky because I fall right into her trap. I grab my stuff and run out of the office like a bat out of hell….. OK, maybe “run” isn’t the right way to say it, I strolled briskly out of the office, got in my car and sped out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell – there was a bat in there somewhere - because Jaba may be big but I am sure can move fast when properly motivated! As I drive home, Fatty and I have a chat about the pro’s and con’s of getting pasta – Pro, it tastes yummy! Con, it tastes so yummy that I will eat too much of it. Well, that about sums it up. Even though I know that Fatty is evil and horribly dressed, I call Pizza Hut and order the stupid pasta. Why? Because I am INSANE! Because I am a glutton for punishment! Because I don’t seem to know what it good for me. After I eat far too much and feel so stuffed that I feel like I will explode, I ask myself why I did this. Why did I spend that money? Why did I eat so much? Why do I do these things even though I know that they are the wrong thing to do? I can’t explain it but I wish that I could. I wish I could flip the switch that makes me do these things. I may enjoy it in the moment but after that moment is gone, I hate myself. I hate myself because I know better so I spend some time beating myself up for being an idiot. And with every step I take for the rest of that night I am reminded why I shouldn’t do these things and I say that I will never do it again….. until I do and then it starts all over again. It’s a vicious cycle and there has to be an end to it but where? When? I may never know but, for some reason, I never give up the dream of loosing weight.

I work in an office full of women (there are a few men… just a few). I know, sounds like a party and sometimes it is but there are times when it is not. Today happens to be one of those days. Shall I share with you why? Like it or not, I am!

In any environment where there are a lot of women, there is a lot of dieting going on. Well, a group of us (about 3 or 4) were chatting about what diet program we are using and good websites to use, etc. We were congregated around someone’s desk that was just off of a walkway so there were people walking by every now and then but we were really paying them no mind. We all have some weight to loose and one has actually lost quite a bit of weight, 67 lbs in the last year. As we were chatting, minding our own business, an office SUZY SKINNYPANTS came walking by with someone that we normally chat with so they stopped by to chat. Our conversation was about how sometimes it is hard to eat just one of so many things, like cookies, potato chips, tacos, etc. Miss Suzy Skinnypants was being rather quiet but then for some ungodly reason she decided to chime in “It doesn’t seem hard to me, you just stop! That isn’t that hard.” The group got very quiet and we all stared at her like she had 3 heads…… and I wanted to shove a pizza in each one! Our friend (we’ll call her Jane) that she was with turned several shades of red in embarrassment and nudged Skinny Minnie who blurted “What did I do?” One of the original group (We’ll call her Mary) looked at Suzy and said “Obviously, you have never had a weight problem in your life so you have no real understanding of what we are talking about.” I was very proud of Mary for being so politically correct because that is so not what I wanted to do. My inner Fat Chick wanted to grab her by her skinny little neck and force feed a cheesecake down her throat while singing “On the Good Ship Lollipop” while my fellow “Weight Challenged” co-workers did River Dance in the background and pelted her with Girl Scout cookies. In my most humble opinion, there is nothing worse than getting diet or weight loss advice from someone who weighs less than my right thigh! I mean, little Miss Suzy Skinnypants biggest issue with food is probably what toy to get with her HappyMeal! Well, Suzy had no idea what pile of poop she had just stepped in because the remaining women proceeded to “explain” to her what it is really like to be overweight. One women told her about how most overweight people are emotional eaters while another explained how it isn’t always how much you eat but what you eat. Miss Suzy stared back at us like we were dancing porkchops and blessed us with the following wisdom: “what the heck does emotional eating mean? You eat when you are hungry, end of story!” At this little “gem” of wisdom, I politely smiled and Miss Suzy and asked her if she had somewhere else she could go because I was not feeling a need to be nice to her anymore. What I should have said was that she had better leave before I get emotional, mistake her for a French fry, pour ketchup on her and eat her skinny butt!! That could have been her lesson in emotional eating!! Jane quickly told Miss Suzy that they were going to be late getting back from lunch if they didn’t get back to their desks so they left. The remaining of us stood there in a state of minor shock while we recovered from the incident. I try to be nice to everyone but there are times when all I can do is hope that my Evil Fat Chick Twin doesn’t come out and make me hurt anyone.

Now I know that this dieting/weight loss thing would not be easy but GIVE ME A FREAKIN’ BREAK! Why is it that when I am not dieting, I will have almost no cravings at all but when I am dieting, I want everything imaginable! The food calls me – not on my cell or anything (jeesh, that would be crazy). Sometimes it yells at me as I drive by restaurants. Take this morning for example: I drive by a Taco Bell on my way to work each morning. Taco Bell isn’t exactly by favorite place but sometimes it hits the spot! Just before I got to the light where the Taco Bell is, I could hear a Cheesy Beefy Melt calling me in its little Mexican accent…. “hey Fat Chick…. It’s me, Cheesy Beefy Melt…. Come on thru the drive thru and get me so I can go to work with you and keep you company. I’ll make myself look all pretty for you – extra cheese and sour cream. Come and get me” Before I saw that big bell in the sky, there was no thought of any food much less a cheesy beef melt but once I got within hearing distance, he was all over me. As I sat at the light, I turned up the stereo in my car but that just made him yell louder and get a few friends to join. He called Nachos Bel Grande and Steak Quesadilla so I had all 3 of them calling me, like little Mexican sirens of the sea and it was hard for me to resist. Speaking of Sirens, the Starbucks Siren got in on the action to since Starbucks is right next to Taco Bell, and we all know how much I love me some Starbucks. “Oh Fat Chick, how I love you and wish to make you smile with the yummy goodness of my White Chocolate Mocha with Caramel added” was her cry and it was getting harder to resist so I turned the stereo up really loud, opened the sunroof, rolled down the windows and turned on the air conditioner. I wanted everything imaginable that could distract me from the call of the food! I beat on my steering wheel to the beat of the music while I sang along with Madonna and Justin. The people in the cars around me were probably thinking I was a lunatic but I didn’t care, I needed to distract myself from the Call of the Food! I felt this huge sense of relief when I saw the red light turn green, I thought there was freedom in sight but that is when the little NY style pizza joint came into view – DAMN IT ALL!! Will the torture ever end? As I made the turn, I heard that heavy Brooklyn accent call me “Yo Fat Chick, I got some cheesy pepperoni over here just waitin’ for ya. And my cousin Manicotti says hello and wants you to get over here too! Diet? Forget about it, you needs some good ol’ pizza and pasta to make everything A-OK. And Mama is making some cannoli for you too. Come on……” Now, how the heck am I suppose to be a Good Girl in the Diet World when I have food calling me left and right? This is no easy task but I made it past the Starbucks and Taco Bell without incident. I felt like stopping the car, jumping out and doing that thumbs in the ears and tongue sticking out thing that kids do when they are picking on each other and yelling “Nanny Nanny BooBoo, you didn’t get me” but I didn’t because I thought they would come running after me and shove themselves in my mouth before I could stop them! Not to mention that I was not completely past the pizza joint and they could get me if I did that – and I think they are hooked up with the Food Mafia or something so I don’t want to take any chances. Knowing that if I could only hang on for about 2 minutes I would be OK, I took a firm grip of my steering wheel and hit the gas! As I passed the pizza joint, I was oh so very tempted to let my little birdies fly thru my sun roof – if you don’t know what birdies, look at your hands J. But I knew better – remember THE FOOD MAFIA!! Well, you will be happy to know that I made it to work with no problems, no Taco Bell, Starbucks or Pizza in my hands as I walked thru the door. Of course, now I am starving but I will have a salad in a little while. Maybe I can convince myself that the salad is a slice of pizza.

I haven’t been to my apartment in 2.5 days and I am scared to go home tonight. Ya’ see, I have been avoiding my scale like the plague and don’t want to have to see it tonight when I get home because I am sure that it will yell at me and tackle me in the living room as soon as I walk in the door. I am convinced that she has spent the last few days alone in the apartment plotting ways to force me to weigh myself so she can yell at me for gaining 1.2 lbs. I have to figure out a way to get inside without the scale seeing or hearing me and get it into a closet so that it can’t get to me but she is smart and sneaky. She is probably sitting right by the front door, waiting patiently for my to put my key in the lock so she can throw herself in my path and weigh me before I know it but I can’t let that happen, I will have bags with me that weigh at least 10 lbs but she won’t care! She will yell at me in her drill sergeant voice how much I weigh and won’t even consider that I will be carrying my laundry, laptop and my purse – Oh God! I have a few bags from Wal-Mart that I need to bring in too, who knows what they weigh!! I have to be prepared for an obstacle course to stay away from her – a lot of bobbing and weaving, dropping and rolling and maybe even some wall climbing. I gotta be like Spiderman! Who am I kidding? I am nothing like Spiderman, couldn’t do it even if I wanted to - I’ve never been bit by a radioactive spider!! Maybe I can try to be like Batman but I am no millionaire, that’s for sure. I guess I will just have to find a way to stay away from her so she can’t get me.
Well, I am getting ready to go home so WISH ME LUCK!

I decided this morning that I was going to stop for coffee on my way into work. There are so many reasons to stop – The yummy goodness of coffee, the little pick-me-up that I get, the REALLY CUTE Barista……. But I digress.
My intention was to get a Caramel Light Frappuccino because they taste really good and they are pretty low in calorie. As I turned into the parking lot of my work Starbucks (I have a work Starbucks which is around the corner from my office and a home Starbucks which is about a mile from my apartment – and they know me by name and drink at both…… again, I digress), I noticed that there was a car at the little order taking box thingy so I pulled in behind them, opened my sunroof a bit and put the radio a little louder. As I sat listening to the new Madonna/Justin Timberlake song and watching the sky, my mind drifted off to Coffee Heaven and how wonderful an Iced Venti Vanilla Caramel Latte would taste……. The subtle sweetness of the vanilla and caramel together and the wonderful taste of the latte, all blended together to make a little piece of heaven just for me! As I watched the car in front of me pull ahead to the pick-up window and remembered the horrible taste of that disgraceful skinny latte I went into a mini- coffee panic! I want to be “a good girl in the diet world” but that is just cruel and unusual punishment for a true coffee lover such as myself. As the speaker began to crackle “Welcome to Starbucks….” my mind went blank. What do I do? Do I order crap coffee or do I get what I want and take the hit in calories? AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Too much pressure for me to deal with and not have caffeine…… that’s what this dilemma was all about, my caffeine!! Before Stephanie had finished her welcome, I screamed into the menu box/microphone in a panicked voice “ICED VENTI VANILLA CARAMEL LATTE WITH CARAMEL SAUCE DRIZZLE AND WHIP CREAM……. EXTRA DRIZZLE!” I felt a sense of relief once the order was placed but then I realized what I had done, I had ordered not only the real deal but added extra caramel and whip cream! My eyes bulged open and I covered my mouth like a 5 year old who had just been caught by Mom saying things she isn’t suppose to say. I had gone from one extreme to the other!! I mumbled “Shit! I can’t believe I did that!” and grabbed my steering wheel and considered speeding out of the line and out of the parking lot in shame but then I realized that if I did that, I wouldn’t get my coffee!! The menu box giggled at me and said “Excuse me?” to which I responded “I’m sorry, I am having issues right now. Can I get a Chop Chop Salad with that also?” She gave me my total and I slowly drove to the window to get my order. I had to wait for a minute or 2 until the car in front of me pull away so I had a few moments to contemplate my next step….. do I get to the window and change my order or do I just deal with the consequences of my actions, enjoying my coffee in the process? This was quite a dilemma but as soon as I saw the car in front of me pull away from the window, I knew what I had to do and I was prepared!! I pulled up to the window and saw my REALLY CUTE barista smiling at me and asking if I was OK. Ya’ see, he was training Stephanie and overheard the entire incident!! Ok, so now, not only was I “a bad girl in the diet world” but I was utterly humiliated and wanted to crawl under a rock and weep! I smiled and apologized for my erratic and explained that I was struggling with my drink choice as yelled out my order before I had really decided. He laughed at me and said “This is why I like you! Everytime you come thru the window, we have some fun!” I laughed and handed him my money and he handed me a bag with my salad and then my drink. I put my sunglasses back on while I waited for my change. Cutie Pie handed me a $5 bill and some change but this was wrong. I handed him a $10 bill so I should have only gotten back some change. I told him that he had made a mistake but he said “No, I haven’t made a mistake, look at your receipt once you get to your office but not before. Now get to work young lady!” I smiled and drove off. Once I got to my office and sat down at my desk, pulled the receipt out of my purse and looked at it. At the bottom of the receipt, Cutie Pie had written me a little note: “Anyone who has that much of a problem choosing what kind of coffee to get, shouldn’t have to pay for it. This one is on me.” WOW! That Vanilla Caramel Latte is normally really good but it tastes so much better when it is free!! After all that, I decided to take the hit in calories for my coffee and really enjoy it…… and I did!! I called Starbucks later in the morning to thank Cutie Pie for his generosity and to ask what kind of milk was used (whole or 2%) in my drink. Fortunately, it was 2% so my drink wasn’t quite as bad as I expected.
I made a decision that I would not make myself suffer when it comes to coffee, maybe I will just get a smaller size or stick with the 2% rather than whole milk. Don’t think I could handle going thru that again!

They say when you diet, you need to drink alot of water. Well, I am drinking the water but I have to run to the bathroom every hour on the hour so I guess it causes me to work out too with all the running I am doing to the bathroom.

Hi Ho Hi Ho, off to the potty I go.....AGAIN!

I am beginning to think that my scales has it in for me!
I mean first, it screams my weight to the neighborhood and almost caused me to have a heart attack. Now, it picks and chooses when it wants to tell me how much I weigh. If it were up to me, I would never want to know how much I weigh but this whole weight loss thing requires it. And I am beginning to think that it just doesn't like me - I attempted to weigh myself earlier today and the damn thing kept telling me GOODBYE! What the heck is that all about? I would step on it, wait.... and wait longer.... and longer.... then it would say goodbye! Like it was tired of me and wanted me to just go away - stupid Primadonna scale! I did not pay $90 for a high quality scale to get attitude from it! I paid $90 for a scale so that I could weigh myself at home and not have to pay Weight Watchers $12 a week to get weighed. Besides that, FAT CHICKS need special scales that can handle them! It is a nice looking scale, black and silver with a nice big display and a nice woman's voice to tell me exactly how fat I am - SOUNDS GREAT, HUH?
Truthfully, I did Weight Watchers for a while and it was great but I got to the point where I was only going to get weighed, not for the meeting or the people, just the scale. The people got on my nerves most of the time and the meetings were just telling me things that I knew already but had decided not to follow because I like pizza too much and being a big fat heffer is just too much damn fun!! (that last part is sarcasm- anyone that has read anything that I write knows I am VERY SARCASTIC and loves me for it)
I have not given up on loosing weight, I can't give up on it - it's a necessity - but it makes me crazy sometimes (like now) and I hate that! I have been visiting SparkPeople on a very regular basis and I like it so far. And as you can tell, I am weighing myself even though I hate it. I hope that eventually I will feel a little better about this dieting thing but until then IT SUCKS!

Well, I have been "dieting" for 2 days now and IT SUCKS!!
I understand the necessity of it, really I do, but I don't have to like it. In fact, I can hate it if I want to! I have been trying to be good but I like food! And I like all of the worst possible foods so that makes this dieting thing all the harder. I have been tracking my food in SparkPeople and I even weighed myself 2 days ago. I am determined to have some success this time, no matter what!!
Now, as I mentioned, I weighed myself a few days ago and it was quite an experience. Ya' see, I got a scale that talks. It was not m intention but the scale that I liked just happened to be able to talk. The little instruction paper said that I could turn the voice off but it didn't give very good directions on HOW so my first weigh in was "special". I put the batteries in and placed it on the floor and walked out of the bathroom for a minute and stepped on the scale when I went back into the bathroom. As I stepped on the scale it said "I'm ready" in a kinda muffled voice so I decided to turn the voice off. I flipped the scale over then read and followed the instructions to turn the voice off then placed it back on the floor. I stepped back on the scale and after a few seconds my scale SCREAMS at me my current weight, which was scary all by itself without having my scale announce to the entire eastern seaboard that I am a big fat heffer at the top of its lungs! I immediately began yelling at the scale "SHUT UP! BE QUIET!!" and practically fell into my bathtub as it repeated my weight again. I live alone but I have I neighbors and if any of them were in a 6 block radius, they heard it!! I grabbed the darn thing, flipped it over and fumbled for the volume and OFF switch. I found it, yelled at it "You Stupid Scale" and then turned it off. I never want to hear that terrible voice again - she was evil and will haunt me forever.
This made me start thinking about scales that talk and why there aren't any that taunt you when you try to weigh youself. I mean, I bet you would work a little harder if you knew that yourr scale were going to say something like "Damn Girl! What have you been eating? You gained 3 lbs in 3 days." or "STEP OFF! Are you trying to kill me?" I would buy that scale and invite my friends to come over once a week to have weigh-in parties. We could have cocktails, snacks and make a performance of it. Wouldn't that be cool!? Just something to think about.

As I mentioned earlier, I recently had a birthday. (Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday Dear Fat Chick! Happy Birthday to me!) But I digress.......

As with most women, at New Year's and Birthdays we decide to go on a diet and loose that extra weight we have been carrying around since infancy and just can't seem to loose. I am no different this year for my birthday - I decided that I REALLY want to loose weight. Not because it is what society tells me that I need to do, but because I want to be a little healthier and happier. There are so many limitations that I feel because of the extra weight and I am TIRED OF IT! I have tried many diets and have not had alot of success. Most recently, I did Weight Watchers and liked it but I found that the only reason that I wanted to go was to get weighed in every week and I am tired of spending that money every month so I cancelled WW and askeed for a good scale for my birthday from my mother. Of course, I couldn't be happy with some schmuck scale from Wal-Mart for $15 - NOT ME, NOT THIS FAT CHICK! I wanted a really good one that has a wider base, a larger weight capacity and that TALKS! Not only do I want to see how fat I am, I want to have the scale TELL ME how fat I am! What better motivation than to have the scale YELL AT ME when I don't loose weight or beg for mercy when I step on it to weigh ("Dear God Woman! What have you been eating - CHILDREN?" or maybe "Are you trying to kill me? Get off before I die!") Well, we ordered the scale last weekend and it was delivered to Mom's house today..... this means that my diet must begin very soon. Gotta load up on all of the bad and evil food that I will not be able to eat once the diet begins. I will get my scale tomorrow when I go to Mom's for the weekend so I think I will start the real diet next week. Maybe I will track my weight loss on my new FAT CHICK WEBSITE - I am working on it ya' know!