Now I know that this dieting/weight loss thing would not be easy but GIVE ME A FREAKIN’ BREAK! Why is it that when I am not dieting, I will have almost no cravings at all but when I am dieting, I want everything imaginable! The food calls me – not on my cell or anything (jeesh, that would be crazy). Sometimes it yells at me as I drive by restaurants. Take this morning for example: I drive by a Taco Bell on my way to work each morning. Taco Bell isn’t exactly by favorite place but sometimes it hits the spot! Just before I got to the light where the Taco Bell is, I could hear a Cheesy Beefy Melt calling me in its little Mexican accent…. “hey Fat Chick…. It’s me, Cheesy Beefy Melt…. Come on thru the drive thru and get me so I can go to work with you and keep you company. I’ll make myself look all pretty for you – extra cheese and sour cream. Come and get me” Before I saw that big bell in the sky, there was no thought of any food much less a cheesy beef melt but once I got within hearing distance, he was all over me. As I sat at the light, I turned up the stereo in my car but that just made him yell louder and get a few friends to join. He called Nachos Bel Grande and Steak Quesadilla so I had all 3 of them calling me, like little Mexican sirens of the sea and it was hard for me to resist. Speaking of Sirens, the Starbucks Siren got in on the action to since Starbucks is right next to Taco Bell, and we all know how much I love me some Starbucks. “Oh Fat Chick, how I love you and wish to make you smile with the yummy goodness of my White Chocolate Mocha with Caramel added” was her cry and it was getting harder to resist so I turned the stereo up really loud, opened the sunroof, rolled down the windows and turned on the air conditioner. I wanted everything imaginable that could distract me from the call of the food! I beat on my steering wheel to the beat of the music while I sang along with Madonna and Justin. The people in the cars around me were probably thinking I was a lunatic but I didn’t care, I needed to distract myself from the Call of the Food! I felt this huge sense of relief when I saw the red light turn green, I thought there was freedom in sight but that is when the little NY style pizza joint came into view – DAMN IT ALL!! Will the torture ever end? As I made the turn, I heard that heavy Brooklyn accent call me “Yo Fat Chick, I got some cheesy pepperoni over here just waitin’ for ya. And my cousin Manicotti says hello and wants you to get over here too! Diet? Forget about it, you needs some good ol’ pizza and pasta to make everything A-OK. And Mama is making some cannoli for you too. Come on……” Now, how the heck am I suppose to be a Good Girl in the Diet World when I have food calling me left and right? This is no easy task but I made it past the Starbucks and Taco Bell without incident. I felt like stopping the car, jumping out and doing that thumbs in the ears and tongue sticking out thing that kids do when they are picking on each other and yelling “Nanny Nanny BooBoo, you didn’t get me” but I didn’t because I thought they would come running after me and shove themselves in my mouth before I could stop them! Not to mention that I was not completely past the pizza joint and they could get me if I did that – and I think they are hooked up with the Food Mafia or something so I don’t want to take any chances. Knowing that if I could only hang on for about 2 minutes I would be OK, I took a firm grip of my steering wheel and hit the gas! As I passed the pizza joint, I was oh so very tempted to let my little birdies fly thru my sun roof – if you don’t know what birdies, look at your hands J. But I knew better – remember THE FOOD MAFIA!! Well, you will be happy to know that I made it to work with no problems, no Taco Bell, Starbucks or Pizza in my hands as I walked thru the door. Of course, now I am starving but I will have a salad in a little while. Maybe I can convince myself that the salad is a slice of pizza.