Dear Lord, Please don’t make me kill anyone……

I work in an office full of women (there are a few men… just a few). I know, sounds like a party and sometimes it is but there are times when it is not. Today happens to be one of those days. Shall I share with you why? Like it or not, I am!

In any environment where there are a lot of women, there is a lot of dieting going on. Well, a group of us (about 3 or 4) were chatting about what diet program we are using and good websites to use, etc. We were congregated around someone’s desk that was just off of a walkway so there were people walking by every now and then but we were really paying them no mind. We all have some weight to loose and one has actually lost quite a bit of weight, 67 lbs in the last year. As we were chatting, minding our own business, an office SUZY SKINNYPANTS came walking by with someone that we normally chat with so they stopped by to chat. Our conversation was about how sometimes it is hard to eat just one of so many things, like cookies, potato chips, tacos, etc. Miss Suzy Skinnypants was being rather quiet but then for some ungodly reason she decided to chime in “It doesn’t seem hard to me, you just stop! That isn’t that hard.” The group got very quiet and we all stared at her like she had 3 heads…… and I wanted to shove a pizza in each one! Our friend (we’ll call her Jane) that she was with turned several shades of red in embarrassment and nudged Skinny Minnie who blurted “What did I do?” One of the original group (We’ll call her Mary) looked at Suzy and said “Obviously, you have never had a weight problem in your life so you have no real understanding of what we are talking about.” I was very proud of Mary for being so politically correct because that is so not what I wanted to do. My inner Fat Chick wanted to grab her by her skinny little neck and force feed a cheesecake down her throat while singing “On the Good Ship Lollipop” while my fellow “Weight Challenged” co-workers did River Dance in the background and pelted her with Girl Scout cookies. In my most humble opinion, there is nothing worse than getting diet or weight loss advice from someone who weighs less than my right thigh! I mean, little Miss Suzy Skinnypants biggest issue with food is probably what toy to get with her HappyMeal! Well, Suzy had no idea what pile of poop she had just stepped in because the remaining women proceeded to “explain” to her what it is really like to be overweight. One women told her about how most overweight people are emotional eaters while another explained how it isn’t always how much you eat but what you eat. Miss Suzy stared back at us like we were dancing porkchops and blessed us with the following wisdom: “what the heck does emotional eating mean? You eat when you are hungry, end of story!” At this little “gem” of wisdom, I politely smiled and Miss Suzy and asked her if she had somewhere else she could go because I was not feeling a need to be nice to her anymore. What I should have said was that she had better leave before I get emotional, mistake her for a French fry, pour ketchup on her and eat her skinny butt!! That could have been her lesson in emotional eating!! Jane quickly told Miss Suzy that they were going to be late getting back from lunch if they didn’t get back to their desks so they left. The remaining of us stood there in a state of minor shock while we recovered from the incident. I try to be nice to everyone but there are times when all I can do is hope that my Evil Fat Chick Twin doesn’t come out and make me hurt anyone.


Thiz Bad Princezz... said...

You are too funny.. LOL Poor Miss Suzy, she really doesn't know much about being a Fat chick. Maybe you should construct a PSA pamphlet for her. You know, like the ones for STDs, drug abuse, teen pregnancy. It could possible help her shut her trap before she makes you want to slap her. ;)


DONE GIRL quillynilly said...

hello fellow DONE GIRL - that was too funny! your blogs really are entertaining, love them. have a fabulous day!


DONE GIRL quillynilly