Another day in DIETLAND for the Fat Chick

Well, I have been "dieting" for 2 days now and IT SUCKS!!
I understand the necessity of it, really I do, but I don't have to like it. In fact, I can hate it if I want to! I have been trying to be good but I like food! And I like all of the worst possible foods so that makes this dieting thing all the harder. I have been tracking my food in SparkPeople and I even weighed myself 2 days ago. I am determined to have some success this time, no matter what!!
Now, as I mentioned, I weighed myself a few days ago and it was quite an experience. Ya' see, I got a scale that talks. It was not m intention but the scale that I liked just happened to be able to talk. The little instruction paper said that I could turn the voice off but it didn't give very good directions on HOW so my first weigh in was "special". I put the batteries in and placed it on the floor and walked out of the bathroom for a minute and stepped on the scale when I went back into the bathroom. As I stepped on the scale it said "I'm ready" in a kinda muffled voice so I decided to turn the voice off. I flipped the scale over then read and followed the instructions to turn the voice off then placed it back on the floor. I stepped back on the scale and after a few seconds my scale SCREAMS at me my current weight, which was scary all by itself without having my scale announce to the entire eastern seaboard that I am a big fat heffer at the top of its lungs! I immediately began yelling at the scale "SHUT UP! BE QUIET!!" and practically fell into my bathtub as it repeated my weight again. I live alone but I have I neighbors and if any of them were in a 6 block radius, they heard it!! I grabbed the darn thing, flipped it over and fumbled for the volume and OFF switch. I found it, yelled at it "You Stupid Scale" and then turned it off. I never want to hear that terrible voice again - she was evil and will haunt me forever.
This made me start thinking about scales that talk and why there aren't any that taunt you when you try to weigh youself. I mean, I bet you would work a little harder if you knew that yourr scale were going to say something like "Damn Girl! What have you been eating? You gained 3 lbs in 3 days." or "STEP OFF! Are you trying to kill me?" I would buy that scale and invite my friends to come over once a week to have weigh-in parties. We could have cocktails, snacks and make a performance of it. Wouldn't that be cool!? Just something to think about.